Barmaids having a hard time finding husbands

By SILAS NYANCHWANI and TONY MALESI

Travails and predicaments of barmaids coupled with the burden of recently enforced VAT, have pushed them to a tight corner and they now want nothing but marriage! They insist that theirs is a job, just like the others. Most are single mothers after being ‘used’ by men who never hang around for too long. Some have to cheat that they are hoteliers, but the moment their partners learn they are barmaids, relationships collapse.

On average, a barmaid is paid  a salary of Sh10,000 per month in most restaurants in Nairobi’s Central Business District. At establishments patronised by relatively well to do individuals, the figure could go high up to Sh15,000. The money is, however, deducted for every loss they incur. When they, for instance, break glasses and rogue patrons they served sneak away and leave behind bills, they are forced to settle. It’s unfortunate most of them have no husbands to support them because of the wrong perception most men have about them. Considering barmaids’ crazy working schedules, they have little time for luxuries like dating.

Jane is a barmaid who claims she has been searching for a man, but all she gets are ‘beasts’. “I’m struggling with finances and my search for a husband has yielded no fruits. I have met a couple of men who pretend to be nice at first. I always discover they are nothing but ‘patient wolves’ masquerading as gentlemen when it’s too little too late — after sex,” she says.

Jane says the most difficult part of being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid: “Imagine roaming about in a bar, dexterously ferrying drinks to the tables of demanding revellers, for nine hours without a break. Honestly, at the end of such work, you need someone to go home to.”

But Nyongesa, 44, holds the view that barmaids can’t make good wives. He says they have too much experience for him to handle. He claims that in a bar environment, such types have been touched inappropriately, disrespected and bedded more times than an average loose woman. “How many men have slept with her? For someone who encounters randy men on an hourly basis, your guess is as good as mine,” says Nyongesa. He further adds that barmaids have a lot of baggage, from being single mums, to having social tags of prostitutes, which negatively impact on a potential husband’s social image.” 

In this profession, women are generally preferred to men due some other implicit expectations. Some of their duties are official — serving drinks, while others — depending on the establishment — vary. If you didn’t know, barmaids are often expected to provide visual stimulation to patrons. And in some, they are expected to service the carnal appetite of randy men! As a ploy to attract more male clients, in some places, barmaids are required to dress scantily.

“On Thursdays, our beer prices are subsidised, and we must look ‘hot’, which is a good thing, but unfortunately, none of the men look at you with the prospects of turning you into a wife. They look at you with hit-and-run prospects at the back of their minds,” says Grace, who works at a pub on Mfangano Street, Nairobi. She admits the high number of male patrons is more driven by their dress code than the price of beer!

Regular client

And a male reveller, Johnny, agrees with that assertion. He confesses to being a regular client at his favourite drinking hole because of the ‘hot’ barmaids: “I like staring at beautiful barmaids because some of them are pretty enough to make one ‘thirsty’, if you know what I mean.”

Grace intimates that she has even twice cheated men about her job to get them marry her, but the moment they discover she is a barmaid, they bolt. “I have lied that I’m a hotelier, but on one occasion, the man I was dating busted me at my work place in uniform and the relationship ended. The other one was suspicious of my lack of off-days. When he knew about my job, he called it quits,” says a hopeless Grace.

Chacha, a 26-year-old banker believes barmaids are beyond redemption and he can’t marry one. He cites their tight work schedule and unavailability as an impediment to ‘a healthy marriage’. “Someone who works at night and is only available during the day — and for a very short time, when I’m at work, how am I going to get my conjugal rights? How shall we socialise and bond, via Facebook? No way! Who will take care of the children?” he wonders. Chacha gives them the benefit of doubt in regard to promiscuity claims, but insists such a union will be riddled with loneliness.

Competing demands

Anne, 27, has worked in three popular pubs in Nairobi’s city centre and Westlands. She confesses that at times, they resort to stealing from drunk revellers to make ends meet. She lives with her three-year-old son and a house help in a single room in the sprawling Pipeline Estate, from where she commutes daily. Her employer does not provide transport even for night shifts. Their salaries can hardly support their competing demands since most of them are single mothers. They only have a single day off, which definitely cannot be on a weekend. This highly limits their interaction with their children, thus compromising their parenting skills.

“Most of us have demanding responsibilities among them supporting our aging parents, children and pay school fees for our siblings,” explains Anne who has risen to position of a supervisor over a period of four years.

Abusive

Barmaids have seen it all in their trade — the good, the bad and the ugly.  “I remember not long ago, a man left me with a Sh8,000 bill. It was deducted from my salary. I will never forgive him,” says Anne. This, she claims, is just one of the many problems she has been through and make her want to settle down with a man who can share with her responsibilities.

Some patrons are abusive; the moment they discover a barmaid is not married, they become overly disrespectful and use foul language at every opportunity. Some of the most irritating pet peeve includes spanking, fondling, touching or pinching their behind.

“It is irritating. You want to get mad, but even the manager wants you to ignore that,” claims an exasperated Monicah who works at a pub in Westlands. She adds that if men could step up and marry barmaids, drunken men and other disrespectful patrons would respect them as other men’s wives. 

Audrey, a 43-year-old single mum, who has worked as a barmaid for eleven years has two daughters in primary school. To her, spanking is the most annoying occupational hazard in their trade.

However old one is in this profession, they are considered women of easy virtues. “Look at me,” she says as she points at her body, “As curvy as I am, and I believe I have an attractive personality too; most men approach me disrespectfully with the prospects of bedding me not as someone they can spend the rest of their lives with. With my attractive body, some naughty men have a tendency of pinching my behind unapologetically,” she says. Her job demands that she be polite, but often she has been thrown into a furious exchange that calls for the intervention of the bouncers.

Despite her age, Audrey still has hopes, though. “I wish men changed their perception about us. Most of us can make brilliant wives. I believe there is a man out there for me,” offers Audrey, who seems nettled even explaining her predicaments. Men expect barmaids not to make a big deal out of the mistreatment. And the barmaids keep it to themselves, hoping for a tip. The few who are in what they are not so sure whether to call relationships or ‘arrangements’ have men who hardly trust them.

Prostitute

Angela, dispels the perception that most barmaids are easy to bed. “It depends on the person. Those who want the money and the good life sleep around with the patrons, but there is a good number who are ethical and professional,” explains Angela. She goes a head to express her disappointment with some men: “It is not good to assume that we are loose. In fact, some barmaids are out to get husbands and once they get the right men, they quit their jobs,” says the 32-year-old.

Angela says she always smells the wrong men from afar — the most stubborn patrons, who irritate by sending back drinks and those that tip with coins! Given their salaries are scandalously kept at an all-time minimal, they rely heavily on tipping.

Juma, a married journalist subscribes to the view that barmaids are victims of circumstances. He says had he not been married, he wouldn’t mind marrying one. He believes barmaids can make very good wives.

“I think they are as good as any other woman. I know one from my rural home who got married but her husband gave her one condition; to change her profession. As we speak, they have three children and, I suspect, happily married. Her husband praises her for being a home maker,” says Juma. He claims some of them are strict and don’t entertain nonsense. “There is yet another one I know who is very professional, she lashes out at men who attempt winking at her or touching her inappropriately.”   

Barmaids’ appeal to men in general is to look at them differently and consider them, just like other women, for marriage.