A switch in time saves drunken man

By Peter Ndoria

An elderly man who was enjoying his tipple in Nairobi West escaped narrowly from what would have been a dangerous experience by switching his drink with that of his female companion.

The incident occurred at a popular bar when the visibly inebriated elderly man walked in with a young woman.

It was not clear where the two had hooked up, but the man is a regular patron at the bar and the barmaids welcomed him warmly to his usual seat, just next to the door, and served him his ‘usual’ — a Tusker. The woman also ordered one.

The man could barely keep his eyes open — never mind that his date kept scattering his focus by whispering sweet-nothings in his ear. Predictably, he got comfortable and dozed off while holding her arm.

Fatal

At that point, she rose and went to the washrooms. When she came back, she carefully slipped mchele — those increasingly fatal drugs that women of the night use to knock out unsuspecting men before robbing them — into his glass.

Having completed ‘phase one’ of her mission, the next chapter involved her waking the man up so that he could take the drugged drink. With sweet words like ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling’, the man was awake in no time. He even requested her to kindly get him cigarettes. She obliged.

But when she went buy the cigarettes, the old fox switched his Tusker with hers’.

When she came back, the man was sipping ‘his’ Tusker. He even thanked her for getting him cigarettes before lighting one. The lady could not hide her joy. She urged him to drink on before they go on to ‘other things’ and partook her beer fast, as if to set the pace.

With the wee hours approaching, the man could barely keep his eyes open and within no time he dozed off again. Believing that the mzee must be drugged, she got into his pockets and took his phone. Unfortunately for her, one of the barmaids was watching and she confronted her.

Pleaded

By now, the drugs were taking effect. The barmaid quickly woke up the man even as she pleaded innocence. When he couldn’t find his phone, he became angry and called in the watchmen who, together with the barmaids, searched and found his phone on her.

By now, she was hysterical and despite being caught red-handed she kept insisting she was no thief.

“Mimi sio mwizi, na sijawahi iba kitu ya mtu tangu kuzaliwa (I am not a thief and I have never stolen from anyone since I was born!),” she protested as she was being kicked out of the bar, now totally intoxicated from the drugs.

Once on the pavement, she started shouting loudly to protest her innocence and removed all her clothes so that she could be searched ‘properly’!

Then she staggered all over the pavement, before she collapsed in a plastered heap and passed out.