Facebook sacks worker for ‘wasting time’

By Mark Mutahi

Facebook Incorporated has sacked an employee who was found idling on Facebook during working hours.

“We encourage employees of other organisations to get on Facebook during working hours and waste their organisation’s valuable company time, but we cannot allow the same to happen at our company. I mean, we take our working hours seriously,” said Dick Doucheberg, the Facebook Human Resources Director. 

While addressing a press conference, Doucheberg also unveiled a new Facebook slogan for members of staff: ‘If you want to continue working at Facebook stay away from Facebook’.

After being declared redundant, Tama King was allowed by his supervisor to make a status update on his wall for old times sake informing everyone that he was now jobless.

Payday

Minutes after making the status update, his girlfriend, whom he met on Facebook and who only used to hang out with him on payday, dumped him on the same social networking site.

“Let’s just be friends,” she said in a message when he furiously poked her twice.

But Tama King was horrified when he tried to access her Facebook profile only to find that she had already ‘unfriended’ him. When he sent her a message asking why, he learnt that she had blocked him. After countless fruitless attempts through friends of friends to get her back, Tama King accepted that it was now time to update his relationship status to single.

But the friends Tama King had made on Facebook didn’t take it lying down. They decided that in support of their friend, they would close their Facebook accounts en masse in protest.

“If those Facebook people think they can get away with it by firing TK, they are mistaken,” one of his friends vowed.

Withdrawal effects

After making good their threat to deregister, they resorted to text messaging and emailing as the only method of communication. But within a short time, ‘Facebook Withdrawal Effects’ set in. Since most friends of Tama King had no social life outside Facebook, they found the effects of being outside the network unbearable.

“I decided to create another account using a false name but then realised my other Facebook friends who had deregistered had also done the same!” one of his friends confessed. “I guess Facebook will always own us. It’s like dieting. I give up the fight. Nkt!”

To while away his idle hours, Tama King defected back to Facebook and started chatting up this voluptuous woman with gigantic breasts. But after ‘liking’ her picture and everything she said pluspoking her six times a day, she confessed that ‘she’ was a man.

He should have known better but the loneliness was killing him. He ‘friended’ another woman with the most angelic eyes and pouty lips. After flirting online for 48 hours, they met for coffee.

But one look at the amazon smiling at him across the table and he knew why her profile picture had looked oddly familiar. Instead of using her picture, she had uploaded Angeline Jolie’s image as her profile picture.

Lol? That is no laughing matter. Nkt!