I hate myself because I am ‘fat’

<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 </xml><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> </xml> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> Outside her window, the moon was covered by the murky darkened clouds. The night was not deep but it appeared frozen, flat and dead. From a distance, she could see the eye-deceiving stars that rendered a surreal image to that night. She turned constantly from her bed as she tried fitfully to sleep but strange images seemed to whirl her mind. Her eyes felt hot, grainy and this night inspired a sense of sadness in them. She wished for dawn to descend fast to press down and wash away the darkness that covered that night. She would kiss anyone who would save her from the slow vibrations of her own punishing life.    

Maggie was an obese 21 year old girl who was suffering from hordes of hell that her weight had brought into her life. She always felt old, melancholic, undesirable and unloved as compared to other peers. She had stopped trying and wishing for that golden day when her life would be normal like all the girls her age. Instead, she had turned to alcohol and any drug that would drive her to a moment of perfect peace and happiness. It is while indulging in alcohol and drugs that she felt loved and normal. She had discovered that small brightened refuge that made her life bearable. But the sting of truth caused trembling in her lower lips as she unburdened herself in the hands of that soft but cold night. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she cried quietly but not sobbing or making any sound. She knew that she was wrong; drugs wouldn’t save her, from the den of sadness that her life had become.

Maggie sat on her bed as memories of the pain she had caused her parents demanded an audience from her. She had caused embarrassment to her parents and anyone who cared and loved her. But they could never understand how it felt the pain of walking; it was a struggle that was often accompanied by small strange sounds. They could never understand what it felt like being young, beautiful but fat. They could never understand the depth of her desires to be loved by the man of her dreams. They could never understand how it felt whenever people escorted her with stinging, pitiful eyes every time she made efforts to walk around. Threads of self-disgust and quiet anger overwhelmed her as she shuddered with loud sobs. The dead emotions that she had husbanded for a long time suddenly came alive threatening to tear her apart.