Is depersonalisation now the new norm in Kenya?

The first thing visitors want to know in your house is not your children’s names, but your Wi-Fi password. As they settle on their seats, they also settle on the Net. If there are children, they do the same, instead of playing in the yards. The TV is usually making noise in the background, mostly unnoticed.

In matatus, there used to be some joy in talking to strangers. Nowadays, everyone gets absorbed in his or her own world, on a sojourn to cyberspace. We used to talk to each while waiting for service in banking halls, in offices.

Now we prefer to wait while in cyberspace, either on WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram and other social media sites, depending on your age and economic status. The amount of time we spend away from fellow human beings has led to depersonaliaation; we rarely connect with each other at personal level. Whether in our homes, offices or even on holidays, we have no time for each other. It seems to me the only people who have time for us are the “groomers” from your barbers to hair stylist, or massage experts.

There is nothing wrong with social media, it one of the greatest invention of modern times. But the term is misleading. There is nothing social about social media. The truth is that it makes us less social and personal, and someone might have noted that and added emojis. But they are still far away from replacing the personal touch that comes with face-to-face meeting.

If you ever make a habit of looking at someone in the eyes as you talk, you will understand why we are mourning the death of human interaction. Just look into the eyes of a baby, your spouse, significant other, or anyone else and complement that with voice and you instantly understand why depersonalisation is a threat to our freedom and happiness.

MAX WEBER

Ever wondered why affluence and possession of material things often go hand in hand with unhappiness, espoused by depersonalisation. Yet, as we become more affluent, we are supposed to have more time for other human beings. But the opposite happens and it is no wonder divorces and personal disagreements are more common among the affluent.

Another characteristic of depersonalisation is low attention span; whether it is in meetings, in conversations or even reading this article, depersonalised people have no time. They are mechanical the way they deal with other human beings. I do not think that is what Max Weber had in mind when he wrote about bureaucracy. Our depersonalisation has led to less efficiency, not more. When did you get service with a genuine smile?

We must accept that human interaction is learnt. That is why different races and ethnic groups behave differently. Ugandans and Kenyan coast communities are very personal. The rest? Some could argue persuasively that depersonalisation is a sign of economic growth and rising affluence. Those who have lived in majuu (abroad) must have experienced this depersonalisation; people have no time for you. Everything becomes formalized including dating.

Our economic growth and rising affluence would have been superior to Western or Eastern if it was fused with our Africanness, particularly our love for talking to each other, which was espoused by storytelling and impromptu visit to friends.

Some argue we should not worry over this phenomenon, after reaching the limits; we shall shift to the centre and get time for each other, less time for social media. When will that be? What of the casualties of depersonalisation?

Already many managers are unhappy with the social skills of the younger generation and the cavalier attitudes towards life and careers. Seeing life as endless fun is not healthy in the long run. That will someday be reflected in our GDP statistics.

UNHAPPY PEOPLE

For all the work you do, and the hustling, the main objective is to be happy, to live a meaningful and fulfilling life. Such a life can only be made so by other human beings and interaction thereof.

Depersonalisation might be the price we have to pay for economic growth, often equated with Westernisation. Why don’t we talk of Easternisation? The rise of China and India has shifted the Earth’s economic centre of gravity to the East?

Where do we go from here?

Is there something we can borrow from old older? Children grew up surrounded by nature, relatives and neighbours. Families had time for each other, and elaborate ceremonies reminded us of our past and our destinies. People had time to be happy, to cry and to celebrate. Is that why chamas are doing so well, they connect to the old order?

The anchors of the new order do not appear deep enough. The school, the family, the church and the work place do not seem to make our lives meaningful and satisfying; we seek refuge in cyberspace. Check your last chat. What was it about? Noted there too many unhappy people around? Are you in that group?

Could reforming these institutions make a difference to our lives and happiness thereof? Could such reforms forestall making depersonalisation the new normal?