‘The money or you are dead beat’: Ex crawls from past with threats

“Serikali Tafadhali!” was my reaction to an ex who sent me a text threatening “Chota ama uanikwe Dead beat.” Being a streetwise dude, I immediately understood that she meant if I did not pay my child support arrears, I would be exposed.

The sad story started when I, a hot-blooded young man accidentally conceived a child in the unholy ecstasies of come-we-stay. However, the baby that was born bore a strong resemblance to my best friend at the time, a Cushite from Garissa.
And if that was not enough, the baby’s cry sounded like he had twigs of ‘miraa’ sticking out of his mouth.