Bunge Chronicles: What is it again waziri Kuria? Ban mitumba?

President William Ruto congratulates the new CS for Trade and Industry Moses Kuria after he was sworn in at State House on October 27, 2022. [PCS, Standard]

What did Moses Kuria, the Waziri of Trade, ever do to Kenyans? Bwana Kuria was subject of online debate over his remarks that the Hustler government allegedly wants to ban mitumba and, ostensibly, put hustlers out of work.

In Bunge, he was receiving a battering from Kamukunji mheshimiwa Yusuf Hassan, who represents many a mitumba trader. Yusuf thought the new waziri had read his job description wrong.

"The CS should look at his job description," he said on Thursday as he sought a statement on the alleged ban. "His job is to create employment, grow our industry."

But it is doubtful that Bwana Hassan trusted that Kuria would offer answers, given some things he has said about the former Gatundu South mhesh.

"It appears as if there is a disconnect between the cabinet secretary's brain and his mouth," Hassan, welling with emotion, said. "There is a loose screw that needs to be fixed before it affects our economy and the well-being of our community."

He did not expound much, leaving a lot to imagination. The mhesh would have gone on and on had the Speaker, Papa wa Roma, who had struggled to locate the "jibes" inside Hassan's statement, not interrupted.

Moving on, the waheshimiwa have spent the past week in a desperate attempt to keep their job lucrative, burning the midnight oil to entrench the Constituency Development Fund (CDF) in law.

Their plan involves amending the Constitution to include the CDF. Since the Supreme Court declared CDF hot air, the wahesh have been worried that they would no longer afford to contribute at funerals, a qualification of leadership that stopped Mukhisa Kituyi's presidential ambitions in its infancy.

And they would praise the CDF as the genie that grants all of Wanjiku's wishes and for helping them play Jesus - feeding the poor, curing the lame and the halt. I was only surprised that they failed to reveal that CDF would bring unga and fuel prices down.

"Without CDF, Mr Speaker, many things would go wrong," new Baringo North mhesh Joseph Makilap said, urging his colleagues to put off all other matters until the CDF was passed "This is a matter of life and death."

Indeed, it is a matter of life and death for the wahesh, especially because their career is involved. As poorly paid as the wahesh are, the CDF cash comes in handy in offering bursaries to deserving children and more of that to those related to a mhesh. It also helps during the campaign period, when Wanjiku's fingers itch for Sh50 notes.

"It holds the fabric of the elections," Bwana Makilap would aptly put it, demanding an oversight fund for the National Assembly.