Should I help neighbour’s children?

By Nyambura Maina

My neighbour regularly beats her children and I fear for their safety. She is a single mother of two – a boy and a girl. She is short tempered. As a man, I find it difficult to intervene, but the children’s screams are getting louder. Her children play with mine and they have noticed things are different in my home. I feel like going to the rescue of the children but I do not want to be considered a nosy neighbour. What can I do to help these children?

Kiarie – Murang’a

In the olden days, it took a village to raise a child. Today, with people living more individualistic lives, family matters tend to be resolved only within the nuclear setting. Outsiders are not expected to intervene. Sharing problems with others is considered airing dirty linen in public. This is probably why you feel that showing concern for the children may be misinterpreted to mean you are an interfering neighbour.

The collapse of collective responsibility has meant that the social support systems that encouraged parents and defended children are not available. Institutions that wait to react to disasters rather than help prevent them have replaced such systems.

As a single mother, your neighbour probably has too much on her plate and finds it hard to cope with the added responsibility of raising children. Granted, this is no excuse for her to take out her frustration on her children.

Find out if she needs help for instance someone to babysit her children if she gets home late. Your children and hers are already friends, so see if it is all right with the mother for them to do their homework together. If the pressure of responsibility is what sets her off, you will probably notice a change in her when you help her. If it is more than that and you feel the children’s lives are at risk, then it is necessary to take more drastic measures to ensure the their safety.

Look out for red flags that indicate abuse such as being withdrawn, sad, angry, having strange bruises on the body, incredulous stories about the injuries, poor appetite and lack of concentration in school among other tell tale signs. You can report the matter to your local police station or children’s department. There are non-governmental organisations also dealing with children matters.

Common counsel

Take action

Children cannot stand up for themselves and since you are an adult you should help them. Confront the mother and ask her why she feels she has to beat her children. All children are mischievous at times but that does not mean that they have to be beaten for just being themselves.

Tell her that if you hear her children screaming again you will have to take action against her and see if that stops her from beating them.

Ibrahim, 42

Planned parenthood

Not everyone should be a parent. Your neighbour seems to fit in this category. Society encourages all women to have children and this is taken as a rite of passage to womanhood. People should only have children when they are ready, not for the sake of continuity. This woman has no love and mistreats her children because they are a burden to her.

Kelly Mutinda

Spoilt brats

You have no right to interfere because you really do not know what goes on in that home. Children are known to throw very loud tantrums when they are scolded or denied something that they want. All you have to do is look at a child in a supermarket screaming and you will understand.

Some children feign their pain. Likewise, maybe your neighbour is not harming her children, it maybe that they are spoiled and naughty.

Vicky Ogembo

Triggered by stress

After a long and hard day at work, it is annoying to come home and have to deal with children’s disobedience. I will admit that I have hit my children on occasions especially when they were ill behaved. That is the only way they can be disciplined. This modern way of negotiating punishment is a waste if time and does not work. However, if the children are hurt then you should intervene.

Barnabas, H

Unhealed wounds

A mother who discharges punishment in that way only does it because she knows no better. Perpetrators of abuse are usually victims of abuse themselves. Do not judge her to be a bad parent. Instead, try and help her to express her anger in different ways that are healthier. Maybe ask your wife to befriend her so that she can confide in someone when she is overwhelmed.

Carla Mackenzie

The situation is really tricky for you as a man but you must do something. If possible, approach her friends and tell them your concerns about the safety of the children. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if something bad happened to the children knowing that you were in a position to do something.

Josephat Okora