To those who won’t celebrate Christmas
There is something such as being too clever and that’s probably what happened to me when I quit my nice teaching job for greener pastures.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
To those who won’t celebrate Christmas
No bed of roses for unmarried women
If senior bachelors thought life was hard, they should ask their sisters who never got hitched.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
No bed of roses for unmarried women
Eligible bachelor? You are the village curse!
If there is one thing elders frown upon, it is a man who has refused, or for one reason or other, is unable to put a woman in the house.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
Eligible bachelor?  You are the village curse!
‘Omena’ by any other name would smell same
I had dinner at this fancy Italian restaurant on Ngong’ Road last Saturday. They served Termitoidae as a starter, but I chose to pass because it didn’t look crispy enough for my tastes.
By By Ted Malanda 10 years ago
‘Omena’ by any other name would smell same
How devolution kills families
The young may not know that not too long ago, everyone bathed in the river. We were so proud of our bodies that we stripped naked before the entire village, even when there was nothing to write home about our assets.
By BY TED MALANDA 10 years ago
How devolution kills families
Witchdoctors too, collect seed money
When you are a successful citizen, with a lovely wife with fertile eggs, smart children, money in the bank, a good car and you are in excellent health, you don’t visit pastors for miracles.
By BY TED MALANDA 10 years ago
Witchdoctors too, collect seed money
Is your daughter safe in your country?
Barely a week after pastor TD Jakes had called us ‘natives’ who survive on his borehole, another American rubbed another insult into the wound.
By BY TED MALANDA 10 years ago
Is your daughter safe in your country?
If you want to live long, avoid women in pubs
Last Friday, I left the office late, worn out like a dog, and decided to take a detour to my local to ‘detox’ my weary bones with a stiff shot of whisky.
By BY TED MALANDA 10 years ago
If you want to live long, avoid women in pubs
Ole Lenku should tighten Nyumba Moja first
I hear the government wants us to love our neighbours, a policy that is bound to excite bachelors who have been trying without success to whistle at the snobbish lass with wriggling bottoms in the upstairs flat.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
Ole Lenku should tighten Nyumba Moja first
A letter to my governor
I know it is unlikely that His Excellency Daktari David Nkedienye, the Nabongo of Kajiado County, reads this column.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
A letter to  my governor
Why Kenya is Africa’s business hub
I was amused to learn that someone somewhere dreams that Botswana is the most business friendly country in Africa. What baloney.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
Why Kenya is Africa’s business hub
Thank goodness we have by-elections
It would be in order to observe a moment of silence for politicians who recently lost their seats through election petitions, and those whose appeals were dismissed by the courts for lack of evidence.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
Thank goodness we have by-elections
Rats came, but we have hyenas in our house too
At the height of last week’s Westgate hostage crisis, when all of us were glued to social media for the latest rumour, a Ugandan Facebook friend posted something on social media that summed up how we all felt.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
Rats came, but  we have  hyenas in  our house too
A day filled with gossip for barbers and salonists
I went for a haircut at my usual barbershop but the barber was nowhere in sight. His workmate phoned him and he trotted in, one hand hitching up his pair of jeans to cover his yellow boxers, which he had pulled up to his armpits.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
A day filled with gossip  for barbers and salonists
Paying for my father’s sins via State’s ten per cent
Sometimes, I feel like I have been working for the government all my life. In one month, what the government takes from in taxes is more money than I give my father in six years.
By By Ted Malanda 10 years ago
Paying for my father’s sins via State’s ten per cent
Kenya and the recruit thief constable
The problem with Kenyans is that we get too excited about the latest big newsbyte, forgetting that the big news splash is rooted on an event that occurred decades ago, but which no one recalls.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
Kenya and the recruit thief constable
Jesus! Don’t you open Pandora’s box, Indidis
Those who have eaten salt will recall Dola Indidis, attorney at law, the one time police and Judiciary spokesman who memorably dismissed the then government spokesman as a busybody.
By By Ted Malanda 10 years ago
Jesus! Don’t you open Pandora’s box, Indidis
You must travel to understand Kenyans
Last month, I received summons to appear before a court of sorts in my village of birth. No, no — stop getting ideas. I’m far too old to break someone’s daughter’s leg, having long retired in the public interest.
By By TED MALANDA 10 years ago
You must travel to understand Kenyans
Why the easiest place to get murdered is the village
I spent a couple of days in the village recently, right at the time when thugs were holding villages hostage and slashing people in Bungoma and Busia, which are not too far from my home.
By By Ted Malanda 10 years ago
Why the easiest place to get murdered is the village
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