Be merry on alcohol but drink just enough

Last week, I happened upon a rather bizarre story in the dailies about a certain fellow by the name Kiprotich. According to the article, Kiprotich has been charged with squeezing his friend’s private parts after he failed to buy him drinks. Kiprotich took offence that he had been invited for drinks only for his benefactor to start complaining that he did not have enough money for three bottles.

While Kiprotich’s behaviour is a bit extreme, it points to the fact that the thirst for alcohol is known to make human beings behave in rather interesting ways.

Given that alcohol has been causing strange human behaviour since the beginning of time, it is important that we mere mortals establish a few ground rules about alcohol. (Ps: the thoughts shared today are only for those who have attained the legal drinking age).

One of the most basic expectations of anyone who chooses to drink is that they must develop an intimate understanding of how their body reacts to alcohol.

They must know if they fall into the transformational bracket - where a few drinks turn them from meek mice to roaring, fighting lions. They must know if they become sleepy screensavers who fall into rather ugly drooling sleep once inebriated.

Dire consequences

Then we have the reckless type whose mouths and groins lose all sensibilities as they end up saying strange things and/or bedding strange people. In some instances it can be quite tricky for one to decide which category they fall in and they should enlist the services of honest friends to tell them exactly where they belong.

One must always handle their alcohol and the resultants effect - failure to do so has been known to lead to dire consequences. There are many drunks who have sobered up after images of them spilling their innards, or taking on alcoblow have circulated in the media.

For reasons I am yet to understand people usually get rather judgmental when they see actions from those who cannot handle alcohol (never mind their own behaviour while under the influence). So to avoid all this mess, handle your booze ideally privately.

There are certain unspoken rules about buying and receiving rounds during drinking excursions. To begin with, it is common courtesy to request to join a table; table invasions are not looked upon kindly. Once invited to a table, it is common courtesy for one to offer to buy a drink or to offer a drink. So if are predisposed to meanness, then stay away from other peoples’ tables and drink alone.

If someone offers to buy you drink be sure that you are fully comfortable with the intentions of the buyer.

Anyone who buys you a drink is either to trying to lubricate a friendship or is fattening you for the kill. The fattening the kill part can be especially dangerous for women because many men are known to expect that their offers for drinks be repaid in full, and in sexual kind. Managing these kula na kulipa situations can get a bit hairy so if you do not trust the intentions of the drinks benefactor then do not accept their offer for drinks.

There is also some expectation that some decency should prevail in the buying of rounds. For instance, if your usual tipple is of the foamy kind there really is no need to move up the more expensive single malt drink chain just because someone has offered to buy you a round.

It is also unacceptable to extend the generosity to other folks not in the initial offer. It is also expected that one displays kindness and good manners to those who buy them drinks - there are people who have been known to make the ultimate turnaround and berate the supplier of their drinks once high.

For example, you cannot loudly broadcast your benefactors’ corruption credentials after drinking from the fount of his or her generosity.

It is also important to remember that drinking joints especially these days are full of risks and dangers. You must be alive to the ever-present dangers of inflated bills by staff, and those who like to spike drinks.

They must also be alive to the real existence of random folks waiting to post bad behaviour on social media and that is even before we get to the ever increasing menace of slay kings and queens.

It is therefore advisable that folks treat alcoholic adventures with caution because they can lead to serious disaster.

It also important to note that even in matters alcohol women still get a raw deal - the world judges women too harshly in booze matters.

Women who choose to drink must know that they are under additional scrutiny and judgement. The world forgives a man who gets drunk and throws up, fights or beds random strangers. However, a woman who behaves the same way gets harsher indictment – equality is yet to be achieved even in booze matters.

Finally, remember alcohol just like all other things is best in moderation.

- [email protected]

Register to advertise your products & services on our classifieds website and enjoy one month subscription free of charge and 3 free ads on the Standard newspaper.