Social events will earn you an invite to that global function

Last week was Ascot week in the UK, one of the premier horse-riding events though of course it does not attract the same kind of fervor the World Cup does.

I happened to be in the Ascot neighbourhood last week and was therefore able to witness and marvel at the meticulous preparations and the vast array of expensive locomotives and thoroughbred horses on display. The highlight for me was the way people decked up in all the finery; most of them seemed to abide by the dress code and nearly all kept time.

The events at Ascot had me thinking about events in Kenya. Nowadays Kenyans have events for everything, from first baby steps to well, classy funerals.

Events have become a sure avenue of earning bragging rights and establishing some modicum of social standing.

However, our events are yet to come anywhere close to Ascot because of our bad habits. Here a few examples that illustrate that we have a long way to go.

Some forward-thinking Kenyans like to invest time and resources in preparing for their events. They usually go to extra-ordinary lengths to design and send out invites that provide important details such as purpose of the event, timing of the event and even the dress code.

These Kenyans also provide an RSVP address or phone number, some even form WhatsApp groups so that they have full transparency and traceability. 

Only a few enlightened persons usually see the need to inform their host or hostess whether they plan to attend (or not attend) in good time.

The vast majority often do not indicate their intentions early enough, causing massive frustration and pressure on the day of the event. If you have been invited to an event, do not hedge your bets — let your host know in good time.

The worst violation comes in matters of dress code. I have an issue with invites that come with strange demands in terms of dressing. All denim might not work for some of us who came into this world with the problem of thunder things.

Some colours such as periwinkle are too exotic to describe and I hear they do not flatter those who have been abundantly blessed with melanin. However, common sense behooves that an invited guest’s dress stays as close as possible to the spirit and intention of the event. 

Many Kenyans have been known to spend lots of time and cash on their weddings only to have most of their guests show up in those campaign giveaway or promotional t-shirts. So you have a bride who has invested in the latest Vera Wang dress having to live with watching her wedding video full of guests wearing Gurumisha-na-pick-up t-shirts. 

Or you have slay queens who show up for village funerals decked in the highest of heels and with see-through figure-hugging gowns. If you cannot accord the event the stature it deserves through your dress choices, then you are advised to stay away.

A close second when it comes to poor event etiquette is gatecrashers. These are the persons who show up to events uninvited, with the only thing on their mind being free booze, free food and a good time.

They often get too rowdy, hit on the wrong men or women, or end up spilling their guts out on perfectly manicured lawns after consuming foods and libations that are way beyond capabilities of their gastro-intestinal abilities.

I do not know who deserves to be punished in this case, the gatecrasher, or the conduit to the gatecrashing. During these harsh economic times, we can no longer hold on to ancient traditions of blanket African hospitality. If you did not make it to the guest list, then please do not attempt to crash into it.

It would be unfair to end this article without giving some honourable mention to those people who are given the noble task of emceeing at events. You have some MCs, who are so in love with the sound of their voices that they drone on and on as they torture the audience with recycled and stale jokes.

Such characters have the ability to ruin a good party by letting it drag on longer than it should or by choosing a party to talk about the wrong things like party manifestos. We need to sort these things out so that we are taken seriously in the world of events.

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