When Sara Waigu walked into Standard Group offices, Nairobi, for an interview, she kept saying: “If my husband finds out that I talked to the media, he will kill me.”
Her marriage is anchored on rules set by her husband. For 13 years, she has contemplated leaving, but fear holds her back. Sara says news of people who kill their spouses when they decide to leave makes her reconsider plans to walk out of the marriage.
“I know the kind of man I am married to, and I know he would kill me if I left,” she says. Her story embodies that of several people in abusive marriages who live in misery for fear of brutal death at the hands of people they once loved. The 2014 demographic and health survey indicates that 39 per cent of ever-married women and 9 per cent of men aged 15- 49 have experienced physical or sexual violence meted by spouses.
The figures paint a grim picture of the long fight to empower people to walk out of abusive relationships.
Psychologists note that the most vulnerable time for someone to be injured in a relationship is when they decide to call it quits.
Psychiatrist Frank Njenga regrets that complexities of relationships, and uniqueness of each case make it difficult to advise couples on how best to communicate after a break up.
“The first question a couple needs to ask when ending a relationship is: What has changed?”
He advises that when a couple decides to separate, they should explore the psycho-social reasons influencing the same, to determine how to move on.
Fida Chairlady Josephine Mong’are notes that they receive 70 cases of domestic violence daily, and they have set up a mediation desk for couples, to reduce cases of fatalities from the bitterness that comes from ending a relationship.
“In cases where children are involved, you do not expect them to stop communicating completely, so we mediate and guide them on how to communicate,” says Ms Mong’are.
She says the surge of cases where couples resort to killing is not new.
“They are more highlighted in social media now, but it is a common thing that people who want to leave an abusive relationship should know,” she says.
In the thread discussing the recent murders, both men and women confessed of having felt threatened and afraid when they decided to leave.
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