In pursuit of opposition's affection, the electoral body is losing itself

The Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission (IEBC) reminds me of a story by Leo Tolstoy, about a monkey and some peas. The monkey was carrying two handfuls of peas. One little pea dropped down. He tried to pick it up, and in the process, spilled twenty. He tried to pick up the twenty, and spilled them all. He lost his temper, scattered the peas in every direction and ran away crying.

Now, this IEBC. One inconsequential propaganda-driven pea drops, and they panic. Raila drops a pea called ‘Dubai Tender’, pandemonium ensues. The Commission drops everything to bustle over the one pea.

Meanwhile, it is clear that IEBC will only be seen as ‘independent’ if it promises to declare Raila Odinga the 5th President of Kenya. Short of this, there is nothing the hapless Commission can do to win NASA’s trust and affection. And even if they make Raila happy in the end, he will promptly sacrifice them, being a devout student of Machiavelli who instructs that “when one comes into power through the favour of others, he must immediately unburden himself of that debt.”

Disputing the acquisition

Anyway, in its pursuit of the Opposition’s affection, the IEBC is losing itself. In any relationship where one party is looking for constant affirmation from the other- the needy one always loses.

As IEBC is consumed with a desire to make NASA happy, it is getting distracted from its own main objective of preparing for the General Election. NASA, on the other hand, appears to be the only one that knows what is going on, since it keeps IEBC hopping from one foot to the next.

From replacing commissioners, to lamenting a flawed voter register, to criticising deployment of presiding officers, to disputing acquisition of ballot papers.

Now, as an onlooker of IEBC’s pathetic pining for NASA’s acceptance, I think the Commission needs a bit of motivation; a little biblical encouragement to get by. Allow me to dispense the ‘morale boost’ in four verses.

Verse one: “Oh ye foolish Galatians! (read IEBC), who has bewitched you? ...You began in the Spirit and are now in the flesh.” You began as a strong and serious electoral commission, now you are a weak and eager pawn. You do not need to fly anyone to Dubai to prove a point! Be like Aesop’s wise fox. When he tried to get to some juicy grapes dangling above him, and they were way beyond his reach, he moved on with life. He said to himself, I am sure those grapes are sour anyway. I don’t need them! In the same way, you do not need NASA. They are sour anyway. Remember, in your attempt to please everyone, you will lose everything.

Change your name

Verse two: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” IEBC Brethren, is thine eye on the finish line? Remember, your reward is not in the here and now, your reward is in the political after life; post August 8th. The love and approval you so desperately seek, you will receive in abundance from all 45 million Kenyans. Let alone a measly purported 10 million. But this is on condition that you execute your earthly mandate. You have a God-given constitutional task; do not be distracted by side shows. So make yourselves scarce and focus on your work instead of running to Raila’s Capitol Hill every time you are summoned. Scarcity only increases your value. And besides, you are supposed to be busy preparing for a General Election.

Verse three: “Blessed are the meek and long suffering, for they shall inherit the earth” Persecuted IEBC Officers; Brother Ezra and Sister Immaculate- soldier on! Every noble fight has its trials and tribulations. Remember, the kingdom that you will inherit is not this wretched pre-electoral earth- but the glorious paradise that is coming way beyond August the 8th.

Verse four: “These are the last days…the end times are nigh!” Finally IEBC, not to scare you with talk of eternal damnation- but the set electoral timelines are fast approaching. Art thou prepared? Remember your doomed forefathers, the defunct ECK? A fate worse than theirs awaits you, if you bungle things. You will not only perish like them in the brimstone of public judgement, you will also be held accountable- every last one of you.

If this has failed to motivate you, I counsel that you change your name from IEBC, to NECK- ‘NASA Electoral Commission of Kenya’ and keep running back and forth, jumping up and down, trying to reach the distant sour grapes.

—The writer is a PhD candidate in Political Economy at SMC University and a Research Fellow at Fort Hall School of Government.

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