Nyambu goes nyama kwa nyama with Papa Engish

Alcohol can actually cause pregnancy. Just ask Nyambu, the counter girl with tu-Linda Ogutu. She went on a fornication spree with Papa English after his Okuyu wife retreated to her parents in Muchatha following a domestic tiff and the result is in the open.

Nyambu and Papa English walirarua mashuka in the two weeks she holed up at his place and it seems a condom was the last thing on their minds when they took to kutoshanisha vitovu nyama kwa nyama after being the last to leave the local.

Now, Sister Lucy, the wife of Papa English and mother of his daughter whom she delivered through ‘Kiserian-Section,’ amerudi nyumbani leaving Nyambu kwa mataa with her ‘ball.’

This state of affairs has turned life at the local upside down. Nyambu’s pregnancy comes with mood swings which include talking like a prostitute who has not been paid after ten hours of overhaul in a cheap lodging.

“Unatoa mkojo Kayole na hujakunywa pombe hapa!” she once shouted at a stranger whose bladder was busting and he was dying to use the matchbox-size unisex toilet at Wa-Hannah’s.

Her ka-ball, the kind that appears like it grows from the chest downwards, sees Nyambu walking like she is about to fall over backwards, and the slowness of her pace has Papa English wondering, “Will I get to drink this beer in my lifetime?”

Nyambu shoots Papa English one of those dagger, kinyoriro looks peculiar to pregnant barmaids before coiling her mouth and producing one of those sounds akin to one sipping hot choma-ulimi tea.

Nyambu then serves Papa English warm beer, although he has been known to swear, “Kinywaji moto ile naweza kunywa ni chai tu.”

Kang’ethe was not amused that Papa English saw Nyambu’s butt dimples before him, yet he came to Nairobi “ikiwa na choo moja ya Kanjo.”

Kang’ethe often gives Nyambu a laughable stare before mouthing, “Sasa umebeba free laptop ya Jubilee!” But Nyambu misses the joke and retorts: “Nikome vile ulivyo koma matiti ya mamako...huyu ni mtoto point-five ako hapa ndani” and turning to Papa English, she issues her warnings with menaces: “Na wewe mzungu jaribu kutoroka hii mimba...utajua ni kwanini kuku hazina mkojo!”