That moment when the universe works against you

You are at the altar, all dressed in white.  Yeah right. Him: suit and tie. And yeah, you are so happy, smiling and crying at the same time. Sad joy…And everyone you know is present. Even the girls you secretly hate all came for the free food and drink. And just when you are about to say your vows, the padre be like,”Does he snore?” and you hurriedly answer,”Yeah. He’s a little too loud but I always manage” since you just want to finish things up and kick it off to your honeymoon?. Just then, it hits you. Loud silence… a heavy quiet mood and then a repulsive and menacing murmur as the audience breaks into gasps and sighs. Busted. Too much for the white dress…purity huh? For better, for worse.

Or when your crush hooks you up with his friend and he’s giving him details about you and he’s like, “She’s like a sister to me.”  And he goes ahead to tell you to hook him up with a girl who he describes as everything you are not. What could get worse? He suggests a double date and his date is the girl you hate most and they cuddling and all…Damn?.

Yea, life sucks. That’s karma. But there’s nothing you can do about it. Like when this cute guy waves towards your direction, and thinking he’s waving at you, you wink and wave back happily and blabber to your girlfriends, “We totally have a connection.” Just then, he walks towards you, but past you. Standing behind you is this cuter girl than you and they hug. Damn, the agony and humiliation.

Growing up was hard enough for me. I’ve fallen down in church (couple of times actually), in the streets and in school. I mean, it wasn’t a big deal back then when I was kid. Wait until you fall face down now at a public place. People would laugh hysterically and some would pretend to be sickly empathetic and even try to help you up. What about falling into a ditch full of sewage? Trust me; you’d rather stick there till evening to get out?.

Remember that moment you got wasted and the following morning you were like,”Kwani jana kuliendaje?” And this hideous video clip had been taken and showed to you. And all you can do is feel pity for that girl.”Kwani uyu dame alikuwa amepewa nini?” Wait till you see her face; you’ll be looking at a mirror.

Or when you get into this fancy matatu, fish out a 1000sh note. And the tout gives you many 50 bob notes as change. You just count them, never bothering to check their authenticity.  Wait till you alight and get into a supermarket to buy something and the cashier checks the note you give him and he claims that it’s a fake. Giving you the benefit of the doubt since he likes you, he asks you for another note and it’s a fake too. Upon checking all the notes, only one is authentic; the one at the top. He then calls security on you saying,”Venye amevaa vizuri na kazi yake ni kuibia watu na pesa fake.” Trust me; nobody believes that you didn’t know the notes were fake. Utalala ndani.

Loads of things happen to us daily; getting drenched by an idiot affording the comfort of speeding his car over a water puddle, stuff just working against you etc. But guess what, the little things we go through make it worth carrying on. One day you’ll look back and laugh at the thought of what happened. Take it easy.

Enough said.