Is my teenage son gay?

I am worried about my 18-year-old son who spends all his time in the company of girls. I know few of his male friends, and most of the time it is girls who call him. He has started exhibiting female tendencies, which are worrying. He is often concerned about girly stuff like his nails, hair and appearance. The other boys of his age seem to be more manly. Is there a reason to be concerned about this behaviour?

{Wangu}

Your take

I think you have valid reasons to worry. The tendencies your son exhibits show that he may be gay. He needs urgent counselling. He also needs to behave like a man, because he is one.

(Ouma Ragumo Sifuyo)

There is no cause for concern. It is normal for boys to be attracted to girls at some stage. However, your son’s behaviour is a bit disturbing, therefore, there is need for him to see a counsellor. Try talking to him to understand his complexes. The earlier you address the problem the better.

(Tasma Charles)

You have not stated whether you are married or a single parent. If you are a single parent, you may have unknowingly contributed to your son’s odd behaviour. As a mother, you need to talk to him or get his father or a father figure to have a one-on-one with him. If you face challenges, seek the services of a professional counsellor or church minister.

Or maybe what he is going through is just adolescence stage and with time, he will outgrow it. Maybe he is just idle and as we know, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. He needs to engage in constructive activities like games to keep his mind occupied.  It is good that you have noticed this problem early. Try and address it fast before it gets out of hand.

(Onyango Outha-Uduny)

This is a tricky situation and you need to tread carefully. Maybe there is a cause for concern or maybe there is nothing to worry about. Observe him carefully before you make any irrational decision.

Maybe the boy is just seeking attention from you. As a mother, there are some issues that you cannot talk to him about — how to behave like a man. If his father is not around, get an uncle or a father figure who can have some manly sessions with him. But do not lose hope, things will work out.

(Andrew Chaplin)

My take

Wangu, your attention to detail when observing your son is great. Human beings develop a gender identity starting from age four to six (with girls starting earlier at four). This is where girls start wanting to be and act like mummy, and boys like daddy. At 18, what your son seems concerned about may not matter much. He may have picked this up from you, especially if you spend a lot of time with him or the tendency to keep his own company may just be his character — introvert. What he needs now is someone to encourage him to get out of his cocoon, to build and to strengthen his gender identity. This is usually shaped by the company one keeps. College will be a good opportunity for this, although you may need to follow up or else, he may keep the same kind of company. For now, I think there is no reason to panic. All the best.

{Taurus}