I'm I paranoid or my mother hates me?

My mum is so arrogant and she upsets me all the time. She always wants things done her way and she does not listen to anyone else. Each and every day she always gets something to lecture me about. She is the exact opposite of a mother; she has a way to ruin everyone's happiness including that of my friends. She likes burdening me with tasks that even she cannot do just to keep me busy and to stress me. I hate her so much, sometimes I wish she was not my mum. What do I do? {Lucy M}

Your Take:

Lucy, I understand the stress you are going through which becomes even worse when you think your mother is against you. Try and treat her as your mother and give her the respect she deserves. Also try and talk to an uncle or aunt and let them know what you feel about your relationship with your mother.

{Andera Ngota}

Your mum wants nothing but the best of you. All of us went through the period of feeling rejected at some stage but what helps is to remain positive. You may also conduct a personal audit and try to understand from her what it is she dislikes about you.

{Tasma Saka}

Your mother is only providing guidance and trying to instill some good values in you. As long as you continue living in her house, try as much as possible to give her the respect she deserves. She wants the best for you and one day you will see the value of following her advice.

{Onyango Outha}

Lucy, you are very fortunate to have a mother. A mother is the richest thing any human being will yearn for. Rather than say how much you hate her, maybe you should make some effort to understand her because as a mother, she reserves the right to advice, reprimand or even disapprove your actions in a motherly way. She doesn’t mean you any harm.

{Jeff Mumbwani}

Your mother is only trying to put her house in order by molding you well. Bear in mind that she may also not be very happy with your friends hence her reaction towards them. It could also be the reason she keeps you busy all the time. Love your mother, be close to her and follow her advice and you will find that she is the best person in your life!

{Pastor Ben Shikuku}

Your mother will always remain to be your mother and you must always think well about her. She may be on your back because you don’t spend your time wisely. Try and take everything about her positively and be the good daughter she expects you to be. You may be at a stage in life where one rebels against any form of authority but this is only temporary.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Counselor’s Take:

Lucy, there are some things you cannot change no matter how uncomfortable you are with them. Key among them is the composition and character of your family members. Your mother will always be your mother regardless of what she does or does not do.

 You did not say exactly what she is doing to get to your nerves apart from always expecting things to be done her way but with that things seem relatively ok. About wanting everything done her way, this is typical of our parents and more so our mothers. Generally, mothers always want things done their way because they believe that they know what is best and how it can be achieved which is always true.

In addition to this, it is quite in order for a mother to allocate chores to her daughter/s. Sometimes they do this to get things done while sometimes they do it just to keep their daughters occupied. This is usually to avoid a situation where they have too much time and nothing much to do with it.

The problem here may be more from within than from without. I suspect that you have certain perceptions that could be driving you to think of your mother in different light. These perceptions shape our attitude and our attitude shape the way we see or react to everything. You seem to have a certain attitude towards her that is making you feel strongly negative about everything that pertains to her.

My conviction is to ask you to look within. Every so often, we have a tendency to blame others for those things we are not happy about but fail to realize that the problem could be within us – or that we may actually be the problem. Also be advised that there is a stage in life where every girl develops some interpersonal problems with their mother so this is also not totally unusual.

As you work on self-reflection regarding this issue, you may also be advised that this will not last forever. Someday you will move out and have a place of your own and you can lead the life you want to lead.

In the meantime and as long as you remain to be under her care, you may want to get accustomed to her way of doing things because after all, she is still your mother. Lastly, you may find it helpful if you started developing a positive attitude about her and you will appreciate her much more than you do for now. {Taurus}