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A friend has confided in me about her rocky relationship. They have been together with this man for almost a year and she says it has been a tough ride.
They have broken up a number of times, but somehow they end up getting back together.
One minute they are happy and completely in love and the next they are fighting and contemplating calling it quits.
Every time they break-up, she comes out swearing she has had enough and will never give him another chance. This usually lasts a month at most. You will inevitably see them together again and she will tell you that they talked things over and decided to give their relationship another try.
The recurring calling off and getting back together of a relationship is referred to as relationship cycling.
It is when people end a relationship but then recommit to it. The cycle is repeated again and again, therefore forming an unhealthy and toxic pattern of breaking up and getting back together. More often than not, this is brought about by conflicts in a relationship and the parties involved not being willing to sever the relationship due to the time and emotions they have invested in the relationship.
They will get back together because they miss each other and love each other and are willing to ignore the problems just to be in each other’s arms.
This proves problematic because the underlying issue is still unresolved and is bound to crop back up sooner or later.
Maybe you are sick of your boyfriend’s lack of communication and you break up with him. Then you realise that you miss him and want him back. You sweep his communication problem under the rug to get him back.
The longer the time apart, the more intense and emotional the reunion will be. These types of relationships are turbulent and almost never work out.
They are fraught with confusion over falling in and out of love due to incessant conflicts.
Do not be fooled by those numerous Mexican soap operas. There is nothing romantic about the constant cycle of breaking up and getting back together.
It is tiring, emotionally draining and incredibly confusing. It is also a little embarrassing when you have to tell your friends that you have taken him back just hours after ranting about what an inconsiderate jerk he is.
The fact that you are constantly breaking up means something is fundamentally off in the relationship and you should end it permanently. Do not fool yourself into thinking that there will be a ‘happily ever after’ after a series of break-ups.
Understand and accept that the relationship is not worth reinvesting in. Before you tumble down that rocky path for the umpteenth time, ask yourself if the confusion and hurt is worth a few weeks of bliss.
Your friends are right to sneer and be condescending when you announce your latest reunion because they know the relationship is not good for you.
The best way to break the cycle of breaking up and getting back together is to cut all ties after the break-up. Do not try to remain friends.
Loneliness will creep in and you will be tempted into fall back into the familiar arms of your ex because you are almost certain he will take you back but you need to remain strong.
Before considering reconciliation with your ex, ponder on the reasons you broke up and ask yourself if anything has changed.
If nothing has changed, you need to make the difficult decision and move on for good.
