Expectant mother narrates how she was raped at campus while drunk and asleep

Southampton, England:  Bethany Cleasby was a university student when a man she'd met in the pub raped her as she slept.

Despite her pleas for him to stop, her attacker continued and Bethany has remained haunted ever since.

The 26-year-old, of Southampton, Hants, was sickened by comments made by Judy Finnigan after the presenter appeared to defend convicted rapist Ched Evans, who is due to be released soon for an attack on a 19-year-old woman at a hotel in Rhyl in 2011.

Loose Women's Finnigan, 66, came under fire after she said: “He's served his time. The rape and I am not, please, by any means minimising any kind of rape - but the rape was not violent.

“He didn’t cause any bodily harm to the person.”

Here, expectant mum Bethany hits back.

"For a long time after I was raped, I blamed myself. When I finally told my boyfriend about what happened a year later, I even said I'd cheated on him because that's what I believed I had done.

It was only when I went through what happened with him, that I gradually realised I had been raped.

I was a second-year student at Southampton University when I argued with my boyfriend. I went to a pub with a friend and this guy joined us at our table and started buying me drinks.

When my friend left, I stayed and poured my heart out to him about my relationship. He kept buying me drinks even though I'd already had quite a lot.

I think the idea of raping me was already in my attacker's mind at that point. Now I look back, I feel stupid for having not seen it. He was paying me lots of compliments and plying me with more alcohol.

He invited me back to his flat to watch a film and talk more, and I fell asleep on his sofa. When I woke, he was on top of me. I tried to push him off saying, 'No, no', but he pinned me down and raped me. Then I think I blacked out.

In the morning he was asleep next to me and I was naked from the waist down. I got my clothes and left, crying all the way home.

I did report the attack to police but I decided not to press charges on their advice.

I worried that if it made it to court, I'd get torn to pieces because I was drunk. I couldn't face that.

Part of my fear was down to the possibility some jury members might share similar beliefs to those expressed by Judy.

I shouldn't have drunk so much but that's besides the point. I said no, and yet I was raped.

But I know some people believe otherwise. They've said so much to my face. They've said I was partly to blame because I drunk so much, and had gone back to his house.

It took me a long time to realise I wasn't to blame and I still have to remind myself of that.

So when I first heard what Judy Finnigan said, I was appalled. My attack was very similar to Ched Evans' victim, and it made me feel that I was to blame all over again.

It's because people share Judy's viewpoint that certain victims of rape feel they can't come forward. It's the reason why my attacker is still walking around and I have to see him on the streets of Southampton. I wouldn't convict him because I felt I wouldn't be believed because of the circumstances.

Sadly, I do believe Judy's comments reflect quite a largely-held belief, especially with men.

That the fact it was in a hotel room, and there weren't knives and she didn't get beaten up makes it somehow OK. It isn't.

And the fact she was drunk makes it somehow a lesser attack, which it absolutely doesn't. If anything, her vulnerability makes it worse.

Would Judy believe that a parent who regularly poisons their child, rather than beat them, is not as evil than the other because their crime is less violent? No. Like, rape, the circumstances make no difference.

Some men target drunk women, and feel they can get away with it. And unfortunately many do get away with hit because they can claim the woman consented and she simply can't remember.

My attack has made me incredibly wary of men. I find it difficult to trust men's intentions. I'm expecting my first child next month and I sometimes worry about the type of world I am bringing them into.

Because the effects of rape don't just last the length of the attack. It lasts a lifetime for the victim.

It doesn't matter how it happened, where it took place or whether it was a friend, a husband, relative or stranger.

Rape is rape, and it is always a violation, and it's still a violent attack whether there are scars or not.