Women, World cup is here, keep off the TV remote!

Last Thursday as we waited for the opening ceremony of the World Cup with my boys, we got chatting about this football extravaganza. Then we started discussing all the memorable things that we have witnessed in football. You see, back in the day football was played largely in Europe and therefore the times were very agreeable with the women’s time tables for dinner.

Then, the tournament began being hosted in other continents. The time the women enjoyed the warmth and companionship of their husbands started dwindling. Before they knew it, the matches were being played at quite ungodly hours.

Frothy waters

Soon the much-loved month long World Cup would soon be loathed, by the women.

Instead of rushing home, men were now rushing to the nearest beer hole to not only watch the game, but to down gallons of frothy waters, as their women took to watching soaps and lonely dinners. Suddenly football was the second most hated thing by women after a stingy man or cheap wig.

If you have been wondering why most women feel zilch about football, wonder no more.

And there are more reasons. Most women are yet to understand that when a football match is going on, the best they could do is shut up and leave a clear vision of the flat screen. Of course, when a football match is going on, the TV remote is a no go zone.

If I could dish out unsolicited advice to the sisters, make yourselves useful by ensuring that the beer cans in the fridge are chilled to the right temperature.

You could also make a point to prepare him roast groundnuts. They go well with football. In case you hadn’t noticed njugu hawkers make the largest legion every time there is a football match in any of our local stadia.

Furthermore, groundnuts are good. Assuming the score will go your hubby’s way, you won’t regret it later that night (if you know what I mean). Believe you me.

Please don’t annoy us by claiming that you don’t understand why we watch the same men chasing the same ball in the same pitch for one hour instead of enjoying a movie. Women need to be reminded that while the movies and the soap operas may have their own fun, when it comes to football, real men mean business.

Men here mean both those on the pitch ready to sweat blood for their team as well as those with the remote in hand. One more thing, we need to remind the sisters that while everything else on TV including Prime Time news is a well-choreographed act, football on the other hand is reality TV on another level. The anger, suspiration and desperation, including the occasional spit, are as real as it can possibly get.

Your nagging

By the way one more thing, when a man is watching a game, this is the wrong time to start deep conversations about changing your daughter to that new school you have been planning all year long.

Or complaining about that pressure cooker or freezer he promised you last December. Please remember we all agreed that men cannot multitask. So what makes you think that he can follow Brazil or Germany playing and still concentrate on your nagging.

If he forgets to even take a sip of the beer when the match is too engaging, what makes you think that he can process other more mundane and boring engagements.

Good people, let us not fight over this, after all it comes once four years and your soaps come four times in a week. I urge the womenfolk to accept and move on.