In-house weekend stuff for rest and relaxation.

We all know how many women like to sit in on weekends for what they call ‘R&R’, which sounds like an advertising firm but is just an acronym for ‘rest and relaxation.’ A broke weekend may just be the perfect excuse to ‘take it easy’ (a euphemism for lazy) and do things your way. But as always, Tony M is here to take you out of your comfort zone. And because I want you to have a bright future with that one man, here’s stuff to do, home alone.

EPL

You know the way you are tempted to spend the weekend watching those horrible ‘oga’ or Nollywood movies? Or Corazon Indomitable, on re-run? Don’t! Instead spend your Saturday afternoon watching the English Premier League. Whether at home, or at the local, it does not matter.

It will score you high marks, pun intended, with your future man. (If a neutral right now, Chelsea FC is the best team to support as our gender sensitive slogan is ‘Warembo na Chelsea.’). You don’t want to be that clueless lass in the Coca Cola ad, ever, screaming ‘we won, we won’ at half-time.

Try a new cook book recipe

I know your urge is to turn to Doque’s Décor and fantasize about how to spruce up your living space, but face it, you don’t have that kind of money, so relax. Flip on to this magazine and learn the recipe there. It will serve you well, oops another pun, when a man comes along and you need to prove your skills with the frying pan (other than whacking him over the head with it), especially if you’re a Luhya.

Dust up on your literature

Men like knowledgeable women, and you should have read Yvonne Awuor’s ‘Dust’ by now as you plot to get Adichie’s ‘Americanah.’ But how about some manly literature to challenge yourself? Anything Ernest Hemingway is the way to go!

Or, here comes the shameless plug; you can always buy my hardcore crime noir novella ‘Princess Adhis and the Naija Coca Brodas’ for a funny, brutal read. Don’t just lock yourself in the house watching endless chick flicks. Get your cute butt over to I Max 20th Century Plaza at midnight for a cheap platter of a film, Life is an adventure, so dare to do.

Be selfish

You might be tempted to pamper yourself by doing make-up in the house then sending ‘selfies’ to all your friends on ‘WhatsApp’ so they write back, ‘Awww, cute!’

But how about taking ‘nudies,’ then in-boxing them to that one guy you like? Okay, maybe not.

The chama get-together

This weekend is perfect for a chama get together where you and ‘the girls’ can hallucinate about the flats your chama will buy one day over endless gossip and glasses of red wine. Dump the wine and make semi-lethal and borderline legal punches instead!

 The brew knowledge will come in handy one day when your man brings home a bunch of his dumbass pals; and you want to knock them out without reverting to aforementioned frying pan (speaking of which, learn to make a mean grill because BBQ meat is the way to man’s heart ... and every heart attack knows this).