10 things about men brought up in town

My view about men in general is quite shallow. I am no man to know them in and out anyway. More clouded is my view about city boys. Their expectant mothers were too delicate and went to their gyna every 2 days. 1 week to delivery, their mothers camped in Aga Khan Hospital with a multitude of doctors running if she sneezed or coughed. So baby was born under observation of 10 midwives in white coats, googles, stethoscopes, white gloves and all medical paraphernalia. They grew up eating wheetabix and had a nanny from a reputable agency. They grew up differently from how the men I know were brought up in the village. Here are 10 things about born taos:

City boys have high standards of the women they are to date. They love ladies who wear heels, use red, blue or some outrageous shade of lipstick. They are very drawn to working class women who drink expensive wine and eat exotic foods like choucroute garnie, tripoux, soupe a’ l’oignon among others. They love classy women. When a city boy takes you for a date, he will be too pre-occupied with how you behave and if you are exposed. Do you play poker? Which dessert is your fav? You need to eat with forks and knives, use the napkin and observe all etiquette in the world. The browse history of a born tao is perplexing. Cars, movies, movie stars, most beautiful women alive, how to detox, Victoria secret, male models, clothes and food. City boys keep up with the fashion trends. One day, you find him in harem pants, next in skinny jeans, suffocating their small man hoods, next in a funny top reaching knees, next you find them all covered up in maasai sheets (isn’t this our mothers’ thing, kujifunika leso?) Next you’ll find him in stripped socks. They will tell you about Ankara, vintage and how you would have looked better with pink chiffon and a white necklace. Or tell you to accessorize your look with a white scarf. They know all make-up used by women and will tell say look better in blue eye shadow, not green. They have a westernized view about sex and think of wine, roses, candies, beach like whites do and want to replay movies. Kiss slowly, then lift you to bed, the slowly undress… just annoying crammed western routine. Predictable. They even shower after the stupid act.  They talk about pizza so heartily and know all offers in Debonair, 360, Chicken Inn and Pizza hut. You will find them so psyched up to go out for pizza or ice-cream. And meet their friends in fast food joints or expensive hotels. They keep up with the Kardashians, Single Ladies, Being Mary Jane, Americas next top model, Love and Hiphop among other girlie reality TV shows. They enjoy the drama between Tiara Mari and Princess, or Monice and Nicky. They still think news is boring. They are too notorious for speaking extreme Swaglish. “Is how? Did you pata Vanesa’s text?” “Yeah, bruh. We going to that gig ama?” “si you guys kuja to my crib we hang out”. Many of them tend to be drawn to black American English and use words like nigga, bruh, cheers, gonna, aint saying nothing etc. City boys are into chatting and use those annoying words lol, tgif, woiye, like seriously, jeeez, smh. In social media we all see them. They are the ones who are always putting mirror selfies, a million hashtags, WCW and uploading silly videos of them nodding to some Wiz Khalifa music. Last but not least, born taos love women in thongs, G-strings, lingerie and are disgusted by the sight of mothers’ union.