10 types of friends you should beware of

I am naturally an introvert and that means that I was born with the tendency to shun away from human interaction whatsoever. Seriously, most of the times if I'm not talking to my cat, then I'm watching Bart Baker. Anyway, some few people have managed to call me their 'friend' but a majority of them in my book are 'just people I know.' I could count people I could consider friends in both my hands because I am a popular Introvert. #humblebragging.

Anyway, among this lot of people I know and friends, I have noted some characteristics that are particularly interesting. They make them kind of stand out-kind of. So, after having lots of coffee, here I go:

1. The help me kind

These ones are the ones that call me or text me when they need help with something, like money, information and even advice. I have a lot of these and being the fantastic person I am, sometimes I try and help but sometimes, please! Every time that 'Hey' pops up on my screen, sometimes I already know the answer I'll give, I don't have cash in my Mpesa or I don’t know what people do to keep boyfriends- all of mine have cheated on me!! Am I really the person you want relationship advice from? Okay, just treat him real nice and don't be clingy or ask too many questions, and to make him really cheat just smile every time you see him. It’s been working magic for me.

2. The lets use your brain kind

Now, these ones are kind of maybe definitely annoying. They always want your opinion in everything that they do. Should I go to the toilet? Should I use my brain? Should I brush my teeth? Should we eat? Should I breathe? Everything that they do, they seek validation. It gets particularly annoying because I mean I know I am a genius but that doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life validating yours. No offence darling!

3. The touchy-feely-talks too much kind

These ones are extroverts 15000%. They talk too much about things that I do not care for and they feel too much when you don't talk back or when you choose to increase your headset volume because Chris Brown just has got you in the zone. They'll tell you about everything happening to them and sometimes I just sit there and I’m like really? I needed to know that you farted last night? As if talking and feeling isn't enough, they touch- a lot! You know how you love you cat and want to touch it all the time and not let it go, that's them. They are like cat-people but with humans! 

4. The helpful one

These are lovely and one of my favorites. They just like to help all the time and even when you don’t want to be helped, they help. They kind of spoil you because you know when they are around; they are willing to do everything for you. People tend to take advantage of them but they make amazing friends because you can always rely on them. Boys like girls like these because they are wife material and girls like boys like these because they are reliable. I’m guessing. The saying, a friend in need is a friend in deed was made for them! Thank you for helping!

5. The one no-one else seems to like

We all have this friend and it is known that if you don't know anyone like this, it's probably because you are the friend no one else likes. It’s funny because I have a few of these so I’m pretty sure that if you don't like me it’s because you are the problem, not me-I’m lovable. No one likes them because they are not really likable but I like them because they are the coolest human on earth. Other people think they are rude or snobby or often give too much stink eye but they have amazing personalities. They are strong, opinionated and it gets better- they hate human interaction except with a few people their ice-black hearts manage to beat for-like me! Yeepiiee!!! 

6. The one that you have never met

And will probably never meet, but they are so funny and you love them because you can control your friendship via the phone. If you don't want to talk to them, you just give them the blue ticks, if you miss them you just hey them and it’s amazing how many things you always have to talk about. This group also has the creepy ones who earn the blockages- they are boring and they ask too many questions and to add salt to injury- they love you! Who does that?

7. The best friend

We all have this one. They are majorly in your life just because you need someone to abuse and they still love you and it can't always be you sister- so... yeah.

I'm done.

8. Frenemies

I have this ones and I love frenemies. With frenemies, you always have to on top of your acting game because you repulse their existence but they make you a better person by being worthy opponents. They love to challenge you and you love a good challenge so in a way, you are best friends who wouldn't think twice about selling you for 30 pieces of silver. Low-key- most frenemies just want something you've got and they don't - like your awesomeness. With my frenemy, I just want her hair, not to wear it but to majorly put it in a wall or make a welcome mat with it. It's good hair. 

9. The crazy friend

This one is just a bag of mental cases and you always count on them for a good time. Their level of crazy is unbeatable and we all need them because they color up our lives and make us the best memories with their insanity and ideas you have never heard of. You probably want to be admitted next to them in Kenyatta

10. The ones who you see living in your basement

Do I know any of these? They rely on you and sort of look up to you for things. They are smart and funny but lazy and careless. They don't care for much and they know you love them because you have always been there for them even in the darkest of holes. They remind you of you that you don't want to be but you adore their honesty and spontaneous personalities! No offense to people I know, we are all going to be successful but we may live in each others basements or attics.

I think to some people I majorly fall in the crazy and best friend category because I do a majority of the abusing and sometimes, people think I'm mental- I'm not sure if I'm not but yeah.