Loud silence on violence against women

The United Nations terms Violence Against Women (VAW) as "any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life".

This definition is important as it clarifies some of the known grey areas on matters violence.

Patriarchy has made it seem normal for women to be abused and violated especially in the private sphere.

Many women will admit having suffered marital rape and other forms of domestic violence in silence because these were considered personal/private matters between spouses.

Women workers have suffered sexual harassment at the workplace but dare not speak as they would be considered liars or tables would be turned on them.

Women's rights advocates will tell you the struggles they have gone through trying to prosecute domestic violence and sexual violence against women, which takes place in the private sphere.

Violence Against women is an age-long problem the world over.

Immense resources and efforts have gone into programmes and efforts to prevent and deal with this problem. In Kenya for instance, there has been a lot of work around prevention and response to VAW. In the past two decades, we have gone full circle on VAW.

From breaking the silence around VAW in the mid 1990s (when it was almost unheard of for women to report or even talk about violations especially at home) to breaking the cycle of violence (where we now focus on issues of power and influence and how that predispose women to violence).

A lot of concerted efforts have gone into sensitisation and awareness programmes by civil society and women rights organisations to advocate for policy and legislative frameworks to deal with VAW.

Despite all the investment, this problem persists in very interesting ways. We seem to be making five strides forward and ten backwards. The trend is worrying and begs a lot of questions.

Two weeks ago, there were horrendous stories about women in Mombasa who have been sexually violated in the most humiliating ways by a gang of young men and dare I say boys who are reported to be barely into their teens wrestling women down and sucking their breasts! What madness?

Needless to say the trends demonstrate societal power dynamics in very irritating ways. In functional societies, age difference determines certain relationships. Children and young people are supposed to respect their elders. The fact that these boys in Mombasa could act so shamelessly towards their elders ("mothers" if you like) shows just how little they value women.

This sends chilling messages that some of us probably know but keep denying and hoping that things were different; Women don't own their bodies. Other people do. This reality was splashed on our faces two years ago when there was a sudden surge of violence against women in the form of stripping, filming and posting their photos online. It took a massive public campaign for women to communicate very strongly that the violation was unacceptable.

Additionally, it is more scary that the impunity with which this is done is on the rise. When people perpetuate violence and nothing is done about it, or they are seen to be getting lenient punishment, it emboldens continuous upsurge of similar incidents. It also explains why, despite having a very progressive Constitution and other complimentary laws on violence and sexual offences, a lot of women are still very unsafe.

VAW in Kenya is no longer a matter of policy or law. We have the necessary legal framework to deal with it.The issue is the big gap that exists between policy, law and practice. It is time we stopped looking at the government and policy makers and looked at ourselves as a society. We need to ask ourselves why we have sunk so low. People don't wake up one morning and turn violent.

By the time a person chops another's body parts, there must have been tell-tale signs that were ignored. Why do we entertain in our families and societies people who have no respect for women? Why do we justify why women need to be beaten?

Why do we cover up for criminals to continue humiliating women? Why do we blame women for other people's mistakes and when they are violated, blame them for not speaking up or not leaving early enough? Why are we so numb to violations?

Being sexually violated is a humiliating and disempowering experience. It's not something that one would go around happily talking about. Reporting and even choosing to pursue the cases takes a certain degree of courage and personal empowerment.

This is why, it should not surprise us when someone comes up today to say they were violated five or 10 years ago. That is how long it might have taken them to gather the courage and the strength that they need to speak out. The best a society can do is to put supportive structures for such people to be able to pursue those cases without harassment and intimidation.