Why stalking your ex online makes it harder to move on

 It starts with a compulsive need to know what he has been up to.   Photo: Courtesy

Just got dumped huh? Some callous jerk stomped all over your heart and now you have started the long, gruelling process of getting over him and getting on with your life? 

Do you want to know the most effective way to throw yourself right back to the bottom of the recovery journey? Stalk him online! Much as we hate to admit it, we have all, at one time or another, stalked our exes online.

I am sure that there is some feminine logic in that, but it is all lost on me. What good comes out of sifting through the photos of somebody who wants absolutely nothing to do with you anymore?

Social media has made stalking an ex ridiculously easy. But on the flip side, it has also made letting go for good tremendously difficult. Desperately holding on to even a weak bond over the internet after the breakup inhibits your ability to pick yourself up and get back into the dating game.

Before the internet made everyone just a click of a mouse away, breakups would often lead to a cutting of ties, as both partners went their separate ways and moved on with their lives.

Nowadays, it is just too easy to check on his whereabouts on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. It starts with a compulsive need to know what he has been up to.

This need to furtively peek into his life eventually becomes so deeply entrenched in you that it becomes part of your daily routine. You set up surveillance on his Facebook page and spend late nights dissecting his every status update. You spend all your weekends on the sofa going through his vacation pictures.

Soon, you find yourself plunged down a rabbit hole of incessant cyber stalking.

There is no denying that after a breakup, stalking an ex is a tempting thing to do. But it is all fun and games until you end up finding a little bit more than you bargained for, such as a picture of him and his new catch.

Needless to say, seeing your ex boyfriend with a new girl is only going to devastate you. You are still feeling burned from the whole relationship and he is busy shacking up with someone new.

You will find yourself comparing yourself to her in every way imaginable. Is she prettier than you?

Is she better in bed? Before you realise it, you start stalking her as well, along with the other 35 women he has been regularly interacting with online. You will lay awake every night tormenting yourself, thinking that all he does now is have exciting nights out with gorgeous women when in real sense, his life is guaranteed to be a lot less exhilarating. Why would you willingly put yourself through that?

Cyber stalking also comes with the additional risk of accidentally liking a picture or a status update.

You might think you are zooming in on their new Instagram post to get a better view only to end up double tapping.

Now he knows you have been checking up on him and you become the desperate and crazy ex who can’t let go.

If you want to get out of a relationship with your dignity intact, resist the urge to get even a short glimpse of his life post breakup.

New singles who stay ‘friends’ with their exes on social networking sites take a longer time to recover emotionally from a breakup. This is because there is a lot of additional heartbreak in store for those who insist on keeping tabs on their exes.

Block him and delete him from all your social media accounts if you value your sanity.