How religious guilt can affect sex

How religious guilt can affect sex

Guilt is an emotion that occurs when one feels that they have violated a moral standard. Several individuals suffer from religious guilt; they are challenged when finally married and are open to enjoy what has been the forbidden fruit.

I have met enough young women who after growing up in religious backgrounds, with the belief that sex is dirty, bad and sinful, they are not able to comprehend how they can enjoy the same once married. This is referred to as religious guilt.

Religious guilt can be as a result of an overtly religious upbringing where sex was condemned and viewed as sinful. It can also be as a result of unpleasant comments made to you growing up that get buried in the unconscious mind.

Without being aware of these images, guilt is triggered when one comes physically close to a lover. The individual is overwhelmed by guilt, denying them their ability to relax and enjoy sexual intimacy.

John was in his mid-20s when he married his childhood girlfriend. She came from a religious background and found it difficult to have sexual intimacy. S

he was diagnosed with high levels of anxiety and was not comfortable with being seen naked. During sex, any attempts of penetration were futile and a year later, they had not consummated their marriage.

All her life, she had been taught that sex was a sin. This had led to an unrealistic perception on sexual purity. It was affecting her relationship.

Touching, kissing or any form of arousal proved impossible. It was taking too long for John's wife to adjust and he couldn't bear it any longer.

An individual’s background, experiences, perceptions of self, body image and esteem play a major role on how he or she views and embraces sex.

While every couple ought to naturally enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship, it is not unusual to have some who find the pleasure fleeting. They experiencing feelings of fear, shame and, inadequacy.

With these feelings, an individual's body image takes a bashing. They may feel that they are not good enough and fear exposing their nakedness because they perceive that they do not look good naked. Such an individual needs a lot of affirmation from his or her partner.

There is always room to improve your body image. When one is overly conscious about their body image, it affects their presence of mind and consequently the ability to have fulfilling sex. When one embraces sex freely without inhibitions and fear or guilt, it is rewarding, fun, and fulfilling.

Good communication, patience honesty and openness is necessary in helping you and your partner understand the reality of the situation and help you work together towards growing in sexual intimacy. This is one time that the couple will need to support one another without judgment. With time and patience, it will be possible to work through this challenge.

A few tips

• Be sensitive, kind and considerate and exercise unconditional positive regard.

• Do not blame one another.

• Focus on the achievements no matter how small and do not dwell on failures.

• Love unconditionally.

• Massage and cuddle as a way of easing tension.

• Remember touch is a powerful language of love.

• There is a time and a season for everything. This is your season, enjoy it.

• Recognise when it is time to seek medical attention or counsel.

• Seek God together.

The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke