×
The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
  • Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
  • The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
  • P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
  • Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
  • Email: [email protected]

Village Casanova busted raiding neighbour's 'kraal'

Counties

Casanova busted

Besides bringing couples closer to each other, literally, the wet and cold season is a boon to farmers. Cassavas have increasingly become so commonplace in my neck of the woods. Little wonder then that you will find most families roasting them over the open fire in the evenings.

This is due to the belief that tubers are a rich source of energy. In fact, they are recommended for polygamists. Sages say they come in handy for such men, especially the ‘active’ ones spoiling for gland to gland combats every now and then, if you know what I mean). And again, they do not require aromat or any other seasoning to taste great!

Thus, it came as no surprise to me that muhogo (cassava) was the main discussion of the day recently at Kahawa Tungu café. “Our neighbours from Ukambani chew it raw. Jeez!

Talk of malice against their poor women,” one naughty man claimed, as he ordered a friend to pass him a piece of muhogo – a food recently added to Kahawa Tungu’s menu of snacks due to popular demand, of course – which he had ordered.

Vermin, however, is threatening the popularity of muhogo. Vermin is certain type of rodent that has local farmers quaking in their gumboots. “Since the pest devours the muhogo beneath the soil, it is impossible to tell whether it is a weasel, a mole or rat from hell.

Neighbourhood Casanova

What we need to do is hire a mole catcher to put an end to this plague,” suggested Kabonzo, a well-known neighbourhood Casanova. All his friends agreed in unison and that is how Bakari, a retired poacher got hired by the local farmer’s Sacco to help exterminate the pest from their farms.

Well, Bakari might be well past his prime, but he was a talented poacher. So when the mole catcher was called upon to step forward and save the locals, he never disappointed.

He got down to business laying traps all over the place in our locality. He caught rodents, hares, weasels and even a fox in his traps and snares.

Soon the cassavas were safe, and there was widespread praises for Bakari, with some locals even expressing their confidence in the mole catcher as the governor if he were to run for seat. “A man this effective should be running the affairs of our city,” some admirers declared. He would sometimes visit Kahawa Tungu for a drink after a hard day’s work and familiarise with the locals.

Fooling around

What Bakari did not know was that his new ‘celebrity status’ had exposed him so much so that Kabonzo, the Casanova, had noted that he had a very beautiful wife. Kabonzo began making passes at her, and surprisingly his attempts bore fruits.

One evening, a couple of days later, in an interesting turn of events, Bakari came home to find none other than Kabonzo fooling around with his wife. Quick as lightning, the mole catcher wrestled with nude Kabonzo and managed to clamped Kabonzo’s member using a mousetrap.

Ignoring the screams of pain from Kabonzo, he threatened to chop it off. Drama unfolded with locals flocking Bakari’s house to witness the incident. It took the intervention of older neigbours who urged the two to settle the matter amicably.

Immediately after solving the matter that evening, Kabonzo went missing, and nobody has ever heard about him.

Related Topics


.

Popular this week

.

Latest Articles