Is it the age of the weak man?

By R.M ALEXIS

A national newspaper cited a certain statistic on battered men. The idea that men can be abused for most people is unimaginable. Or laughable. The reality is that men report abuse far less than women for obvious reasons. There is far less support and well, who needs that kind of attention?

Just like in abusive relationships involving women, this can be emotional or physical. These men stay in these relationships for many reasons.

They could be emotionally or financially dependent on their wives. Maybe they just want to keep domestic peace. Who can you tell? Everybody expects you to man up and handle your business.

The first time you hear about men as victims of domestic abuse, you roll your eyes. It’s just not expected. They stay put for reasons ranging from shame, force of habit, the kids, not willing to admit failure, self-worth issues, denial to inertia – having got on for so long like that and far too lazy to change the current situation.

No amount of prodding from the Council of Elders will get him out. That it is a self-esteem thing is not in doubt. Failure is a big deal for men. That’s just the way it is.

From previous national population studies, the number of female-headed households was at a third of all households. And that figure is rising.

The shift is happening whether you like it or not. I’m not making this up. You can bury your head all you want to but an increasing number of women are the breadwinners in their homes. Previously it was mostly because of circumstances but recently it has become a choice issue. It would be a generalisation that women have gone crazy and decided that they don’t need men in their lives. It is not that simple. We love men… just not weak men.

It is now being recognised that if you truly want to effect healthy change in a developing country, you help the women.

Don’t protest; the world is not going to implode with this information. A recent statistic from the World Bank notes that women reinvest 90 per cent of their income back into their families, versus men who reinvest 30-40 per cent. This changes everything.

It’s not pretty. It’s the truth. There are far more weak men in this current society than in our fathers’ days. More men who walk around like it’s a badge of honour that they will not raise their children.

Forget the emancipation of women; what is urgently needed is the emancipation of men. Men who take their role seriously as partners, fathers and leaders instead of the current circus. Class will never go out of style.

It has to be said a few home-truths never hurt. There are also many who get it right. But not enough. And if the current conversations going on in radio talk-shows is any indication, it is about time. There are far too many behavioural issues going on in our families these days.

Far too many who see an economic opportunity when dating older women, far too many abdicating in their duties, far too many being less proactive.

I say when you are a parent, raise them right. If indeed men are the head, the neck needs something of value up there.

 I will not sugar-coat it.

Alexis is a healthcare professional.