I saw my uncle kill my father

I saw my uncle kill my father and he now acts like nothing happened

I was there when my father was killed. I witnessed my uncle stab my father to death with a spear. It bothers me, because even though I was a minor then, as a boy in Class Two, the picture is still clear in my mind. My uncle talks to me like nothing happened between him and my father, yet he is the reason my mother is a widow and my siblings and I fatherless. I talk to his children, but I pretend to love them.

I want this off my chest, I don’t want to pretend that things are okay, because I might revenge.

Please help — Jonah.

Your say

Jonah, what can I say? The image of one killing your father is bound to remain with you forever. The fact that you continue seeing the killer every day makes things worse.

This is further compounded by the challenges your mother and siblings are going through. It is more than enough for a mature man, what about a child?

I would like you to see a counsellor or a pastor or someone of authority who you can easily open up to. You need to release your pent up emotions safely otherwise you might let loose on his children with disastrous consequences.

This is something you should do very fast. Otherwise I’m very sorry for what you are going through.

—Esther K, via e-mail

You have not told us what happened. Was your father and uncle fighting? Did your uncle hit your father in self-defence? Was the matter referred to the police for investigation and possible prosecution? Without these additions it becomes very difficult to pass anything against your uncle. However, the problem here is not your uncle but you. You are afraid of what you can do in a moment of anger and revenge.

Kindly reach out to any other uncle or someone you respect. You might also need counselling to help you deal with your past pain and future relationships with your uncle and his children.

— Mercy, Kericho.

It is sad what you are going through Jonah. Pretending that everything is okay is not good. Look for another uncle or an elder and tell him what you are going through. See if he can approach your uncle and tell him what you are feeling towards him. Your uncle might not be aware of what you are going through. The solution might even involve moving away from his presence unless he is your benefactor. But first things first, look for someone to open up to.

— Elizabeth, Nairobi

It is said that small children have terrific memories of things whether good or bad. They might still recall them many years later. This is what is happening to you. You might have too young to know the genesis of the problem between your uncle and father that resulted in death.

The picture you have in mind is of your father being killed. You have not told us how old you are now, but if you are of age you can talk to your uncle in the presence of witnesses. Let him know you saw what happened and how it is affecting you.

— Gerald, Mombasa.

Jonah, I wish you told us how old you are now. You have also not told us how you and your uncle are relating. If you are old enough you can have a talk with him and find out what exactly led to the two fighting. Your uncle might have been defending himself but you might have been too young to know that. So let even your mother know how what you saw is affecting you.

—Samson, via e-mail