Would you hug Kibaki?

Campaigning US President Barack Obama was given a voter lift that he so much needed, when he was raised off the ground by an enthusiastic supporter in Florida last Sunday.

Scott Van Duzer, a 46-year-old, six-foot-three, 260-pound man, gave Obama a bear hug, raising him off the ground as Obama marveled at the man’s strength.

Van Duzer owns the Big Apple Pizza and Pasta Italian Restaurant where Obama stopped on Sunday during a Florida bus swing. As he entered, Obama admired Van Duzer’s physique: “The guy’s just got a big heart, along with big pecs.” But what astonished many people is that Obama seemed to enjoy it.

"Man, are you a power lifter or what?" Obama asked an eager Van Duzer after the bear-lift. The message Obama was sending is that he is also a human being who connects with voters and interacts with them. His actions seemed to say that though he is at times viewed as the most powerful man on the planet, he can be touched, greeted and embraced!

Just when you thought Scott Van Duzer's 15 minutes of fame were up, the Obama bear-hugger struck again.

This time, former Governor of Florida Charlie Crist received the now famous man-hug. Just a few hours after Crist told The Palm Beach Post Wednesday that he wanted to meet the man who lifted President Obama off his feet, Crist showed up at Van Duzer's Fort Pierce, Florida pizza parlor. He was also bear-lifted.

Hugging the mighty
Then last night, I was in a really deep dream in Kenya just past midnight. You know I also own a restaurant. I sell pizzas, donkey Samosas, cockroach curry, Squirrel choma, sungura supu, rat muturas and mandazi at Mathare, Kibera and Korongosho slums.

In my dream, I was bear-hugging the current president, all presidential aspirants and former presidents whom I met at Korongosho, Mathare and Kibera. I started with the current president Mwai Kibaki.

'Good morning, Your Excellency?' I asked. In my astonishment, the president replied, 'Mafi ya kuku'. Then I went forward and gave him a bear hug. He was so heavy, so I stumbled and fell down.

First Lady Mama Lucy gave me a slap, later telling me that I should never touch the president. His Excellency the president was happy so he replied, 'Kumbafu'. I was arrested and taken to Kamiti Maximum Security Prison.

Spending the night in remand, I was released the following day on bail, thanks to our new constitution. Were this to happen 10 years ago, I would have stayed in remand for eternity.

Then I met the Prime Minister Raila Odinga. Indeed, I was fresh from fishing Omena and Mbuta from Lake Victoria. We met on the shores. 'Mambo Tinga?' I asked.

'Fiti sana buddy! Kitendawili...mpanda gazi...?’ he asked.

'Mpanda ngazi huanguka kama Miguna Miguna' I replied.

When I bear-lifted him, the Prime Minister was so happy that he gave me a new fishing net. With his new net, I caught more fish than Peter caught when Jesus paid him a courtesy call at Lake Galilee 2000 years ago.

In Eldoret, I met Bifwoli Wakoli. He was so excited so he asked in his characteristic broken English and Swahili, 'Dot you have ukali na ingo pwana?'.

I bear-lifted him and was so excited. He replied in broken English, ' Pwana, I wisi that Kenya was Ukali and Leeki Pictoria was supu, I would add ingo and eat 24 hours non-stop'.

Know people
The following day was my greatest nightmare ever in my life. I got letters from all powerful politicians that I had embraced that day; I was supposed to appear in court on the same day to answer 42 charges of bear-lifting 'important people'.

My charges were that I am a slum dweller, I am a poor man and that I should 'know people', like Rebecca Kerubo. Since I didn't know big people in the Government, I was sentenced for life imprisonment.

All this because I hugged my loved politicians whom I thought were just human beings like me. I didn't know that they are demi-gods that should never be touched.

Initially, I thought I was in a democracy, but I was wrong. Now, I have to serve all my life in jail because in my excitement I hugged my politicians whom I thought were human beings who can be greeted, touched and bear-lifted too.

Then suddenly I woke up. I was very late for work. But thank God, I realised that it was only a dream. That taught me a great lesson. That democracy in America or in Western countries is never democracy in Africa.

So, can we hug our politicians since Kenya is a democracy just like it is in the west? No. Never ever. Only in our dreams.

Peter Nguli is a Kenyan residing in the United Kingdom. He can be accesed on [[email protected]].