Last weekend, I was doing some washing outside the house, hoping my hubby would pick a stool and come sit next to me and just be.
Well, he took his breakfast, then a shower, dressed up and afterwards announced to me that he was popping into town for a while.
?This was the first time I heard of his day’s plans. I asked him what he was going to do in town and flippantly; he said he had “shughulis.”
?The woman in me (the one who had hoped for some idle hanging out on a Saturday morning) asked him: “Do you have to go?”, to which he answered a matter-of-factly, yes.
?Of course, I was mad. So it was inevitable that when we met a group of friends that evening, the whole issue of communication had to come up.
?Some men in the group said they felt there was no need for accounting for their every waking second to their woman, and they shouldn’t have to spend every free time they have as a couple.
?“Why not? You got married so your partner can be your number one plot,” one of the women rose to our defence. ?The men could not argue with that, but still felt that saying, “I’m off to do some shughulis” sufficed as an explanation when they decided to wander off.
?Our main issue as young married women was one, we really wanted to spend most of our free time with our partners so when they dumped us from their schedule unceremoniously, we were left looking for distractions, some of them harmful.?
Secondly, we always told them in details (may be too much detail) exactly where we were headed and why we needed to go there without them. And after we came back, we recounted everything that happened. Why couldn’t the men do the same?
We were not trying to monitor or control them when we sought to know where they were going, whom they were going to be with, and how long they planned to be there. No, we were just concerned and seeking to know for the sake of knowing.