Expectant girlfriend is HIV positive

I am a man aged 26. I have been dating this woman aged 31 for about one and a half years. She is pregnant and during one of the antenatal clinics we got tested for HIV and unfortunately she tested positive.

Although I tested negative, I am afraid she may have infected me. She later told me that she had been living with the virus for the last five years. I really love her and was planning to marry her but I am now confused. I do not understand why she chose to get intimate with me when she clearly knew her status. Should I proceed with the relationship and plans to marry her? Please advice.

Jeremy

Our take:

It is said that love has no boundaries and it is good that you tested negative. However, you need to take another test after three months to be sure. If you test negative, it will be hard to continue with the relationship. If positive, do not let stress take over your life. Live healthy and stay with your love. Remember many couples are living well as discordant couples, so do not panic. 

{Fred Auko}

I am afraid the lady does not love or care for you. She knew her condition and went ahead to infect you. See the stress she has put you through! The age difference is not normal, as women prefer older men. She used you as a guinea pig. Leave politely without causing her emotional stress.

{Elly Okello}

I sympathise with you but I encourage you to stay as positive as you can until you get tested again. About making her your wife, how can you marry an HIV positive woman? She sounds like a beast out to infect other people. No one deserves to be treated the way she treated you. She should have told you about her status before you got intimate with her. I wonder how many others she has infected with the virus. Please stay away from her. Good luck!

{Joy Kieru}

The fact that your ‘love’ never told you about her status clearly shows that her love is not genuine. She is only clinging on you because she is dying for acceptance. Leave her before it is too late for there are many more fishes in the pond.

{Beryl Roberts}

Go for counselling. Remember that being HIV positive is not the end of life. Brother comfort your partner especially now that she is expectant. Everytime you have sex, use a condom. This is your life so make intelligent decisions about it.

{James Mokua}

It is clear that this woman is not honest and deliberately infected you so that you do not abandon her. I advice you to go for the second and third screening to ascertain your status. If you turn out positive, go ahead and marry her. If negative, run for your life. Meanwhile avoid sexual intimacy with her at all costs.

{Dennis Ombok}

It sounds like your main worry now is your sex life with her. Aids is transmitted through sexual fluids and blood. If you have sex, then take extra caution so that your fluids do not mix.

{Naomi}

Love her in health and in sickness even though she kept you in the dark — for fear of losing you. Forgive and proceed but keep yourself safe by using condoms. This way you will still live happily in marriage like other discordant couples.

{Rose Dindi}

My take:

It is good news that you tested negative but I encourage you to take two more tests at least three months apart to confirm your status. However, prepare yourself for any side of the coin and to accept the results. Counselling will definitely help you in this process and it would be in your best interest if you both went. Despite the differences you have made it crystal clear that you love her. Any outcome from the subsequent tests should, therefore, not determine your destiny with her.

People living with HIV/Aids have dignity: Just like a rat without a tail is still a rat, a person living with HIV/Aids (PLWHA) is still a person. Despite her status she craves love, care and affection from those around her. She hopes that even after knowing her status you will still be there for her. Yes, she may have known her status before you got intimate but even if you test positive, going into the past will not change or help a thing. It will only make matters worse. With positive and responsible living, people are enjoying normal lives.

be positive

Have you ever wondered why many infected persons choose to spread the virus? It is, usually, not to revenge. Rather, it is triggered by the stigma associated with PLWHA. Nobody wants to be near them, nobody wants to share anything with them; we treat them as second-class human beings destined for death, which turns into deep pain out of neglect. If our society was to reduce the stigma on PLWHA by accepting, loving and caring for them then we would definitely see a reduction of revenge-infections prolong their lives.

HIV/AIDS is not the only cause of death: Whenever one tests positive the only thing that comes to mind is death. This is wrong, as there are many PLWHA who have lived ten to 25 years (and counting) after they found out their status. Those who lead positive lives eat well balanced diets and adhere to doctors’ advice.

Choose to spread it; shorten your life: Woe unto those who choose to spread it. In the process of spreading the virus by having unprotected sex with as many people as possible, they get re-infected again and again, thus their bodies eventually harbour different strands of HIV. This, in essence is almost comparable to having many types of the virus. The body develops immunity or can fight one strand for longer, and it enjoys protection against diseases because the white blood cells are strong. It takes much longer for them to develop full blown Aids unlike for those who choose to spread it.

No cause to worry: Even when infected with HIV, there is no guarantee that your life will be shorter than that of a HIV- free person. People suffer from other diseases, for example cancer, and Parkinson’s disease. Again people even get involved in tragic road accidents and die. This only shows that living with the virus is not the only life threatening condition that exists. Let us lead positive lives and appreciate that no one chooses to get infected. I wish we would rethink the stigma and care for the infected as our brothers and sisters.

{Taurus}