Girl code: Why do men help each other to lie?

Dear men, shall we assemble here and discuss your consciences? I would really love to understand where you get the strength to play around with our feelings.

I know you are about to tell me that women do that too. Don't worry, we will handle them when their time comes. Today, all I want to figure out is how you men manage to do this together with your whole village.

Some men have even dragged their parents into this heartless habit. They will take you to their homes and make you believe that you are the first at the finish line only for you to realise that you never even got to the semifinals!

Their mothers will treat you like the daughter-in-law that they have been waiting for since independence yet they probably have a daughter-in-law in place, complete with endorsement from the village elders. You end up looking like a fool the day you finally get to know the truth.

These are the same men who will support the cheating habits of their fellow men. You will go pay your man a visit and when his friends come over, these friends will behave as though they have never seen any other female next to the man. They will sing your praises as you break your back in the kitchen fixing them a meal.

From the kitchen, you will hear them making remarks like, "She is a keeper. You have hit the jackpot with this one." Such statements can even make you bake them a surprise cake written "I love you all".

The statements can ignite the hard worker in you; you feel like asking them each whatever they would love to drink and then fetch it distilled from the source. A small devil inside you even makes you do the laundry and scrub the bathroom walls thinking lady luck has smiled on you!

I am still trying to understand why men don't blow the whistle on someone's innocent daughter whose heart is about to be blended. Men, why do you call us 'shemeji' while you know very well there exists another shemeji with more points than we do?

Wouldn't it just be more fair if you gave us a heads up from the word go so that we also take our places in the league? I mean, two can play that game. Just give us a hint and leave the rest to us.

And to you potential mothers-in-law, what's so hard in sitting us down and having small talk? We are like your daughters for crying out loud! We know you are like a goddess to your son but, kindly, let us know when to run.

One time, a son of a woman took me to see his mother. I think his mother had reached that stage in life where she was observing social distancing from lies. She was probably sanitising herself in readiness for the land above. That land where Nebuchadnezzar and Bartholomew reside.

The moment I walked into her house, she looked at me in shock and asked, "What happened to the other woman?" For a moment, I thought she was losing her mind until I realised she was trying to warn me of the existence of someone else. Back in the city though, I had met this guy's sisters and none of them ever mentioned the other woman. Only his mother pulled me from that pit!

Do you men know how painful it is to realise that we have been taken for a ride by a whole village? It doesn't pain much to be played by a single male species... but a whole village! That pain cuts through our arteries, it can even send us into a semi-coma!

Whenever you remember how much his friends pretended to 'own' you, you feel like turning back the time and putting salt in their tea! Then comes the memories of his cousin who referred to you as 'our wife'....that memory alone is enough to erase the national anthem from your system. That's the time you look around and wonder if you are indeed on the correct planet!

Dear men, my plea today is that you alert us on time if at all the plane we are planning to board will take a nosedive so that we equip ourselves with parachutes. There is no way we are crashing with it.

[email protected]