20 quick tips on how to solve conflicts in your relationship
By Brian Onyiego | May 31st 2020
All relationships at one time or the other have faced warfare. However, there are ways these arising issues can be solved if you want to keep the relationship.
Pursue your partner
Before you even think of addressing the disagreement that
has brought the conflict, first ask yourself if you want to keep the
relationship and how important your partner is.
Agree to disagree
Understand your partner's opinion even if you disagree with
their point of view - It demonstrates understanding to your partner.
Be quick to listen and slow to speak
Wait until your partner finishes to talk, then you can have
a chance to answer rather than interrupting every time. When you completely
listen, it gives you time to provide a constructive response.
Keep your cool
No matter how much your partner is yelling and shouting,
keep things down on your side. It reduces the chances of becoming angry or mad
at your partner.
Share the blame
Practice sharing responsibilities when dealing with issues
and not putting all the blame on each other.
Do not bring up the past to the present
Avoid bringing solved arguments in the current one; it
breaks your partner down. Forgive and forget.
Avoid using "You always, You never, You did not, I will
try, You should, You should Not or "I will try."
Refrain using these statements in your sentence; for
example, using "I will try" means you will do things without
enthusiasm while using "You should" or "You should not" are
used in adult-to-child conversations. You would not like you, partner, to think
that you are seeing him/her as a child.
Discuss on the Center of the conflict
Rather than hitting around the bush, centralise on the root
of the conflict immediately when you meet your partner.
Direct all your focus on the issue
Fight the conflict and not your partner.
Use the "I feel" or "I love"
Using "I feel, I love" or "I wish"
convey thoughtfulness. For example, compare "I feel hurt when you do not
respond to my calls," to "Why don't you respond to my calls?"
The first one less to through a fireball than the latter.
Do not use abusive language
Keep the 'f' word and any offensive word to yourself.
Accept and adjust on correction
As the proverbial saying goes, "He who does not accept
reproof is a fool," take up the task that and be ready to acknowledge your
mistakes and adapt to new patterns.
Ask for clarification
Do away with assumptions and ask for clarification when not
sure about any matters in your relationship.
Express your emotions without being aggressive
Communicate your grievances to your partner without being
Focus on settling the issue at hand
What is essential is tackling the problem and not who wins.
Agree on "out of bounds" topics
Set clear boundaries and limits, issues like weight loss,
attacking each other's family backgrounds should be no-go zones.
Think about the conflict before you face your partner
Think about the aftermath before you approach your partner
on any particular issue.
Tone, Time, Turf
Consider the pitch, time, and place to iron out your issues.
You would not address a problem in front of your friends
Identify familiar fights
Carefully observe any repeated disputes and raise them to
your partner and initiate a quick solution.
Remember, together; you can win any conflict.
Keep in mind that there is no problem without a
solution—practice facing all challenges together instead of living all your
baggage to your partner.
You will get better in time
The more you deal with conflicts together, the more you get
In conclusion, conflict and disagreements are normal in
every relationship, but it is important to communicate clearly, directly
without fear or intimidation.
Keep in mind that both of you are working towards the same purpose, which is common peace of mind.
Jubilee’s Joseph Githinji wins Muguga ward by-election
- Fugitive cop Caroline Kangogo found dead at her parents’ home
- We believe in God and the hustler nation, says UDA's Njuguna Wanjiku
By Too Jared
- The tight contest that was Kiambaa
By Brian Okoth
- President Uhuru condemns killing of environmentalist Joanna Stuchburry
- Kiambaa contest between Jubilee and UDA tight as results stream in
By Brian Okoth