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20 quick tips on how to solve conflicts in your relationship

By Brian Onyiego | May 31st 2020

All relationships at one time or the other have faced warfare. However, there are ways these arising issues can be solved if you want to keep the relationship.

Pursue your partner

Before you even think of addressing the disagreement that has brought the conflict, first ask yourself if you want to keep the relationship and how important your partner is.

Agree to disagree

Understand your partner's opinion even if you disagree with their point of view - It demonstrates understanding to your partner.

Be quick to listen and slow to speak

Wait until your partner finishes to talk, then you can have a chance to answer rather than interrupting every time. When you completely listen, it gives you time to provide a constructive response.

Keep your cool

No matter how much your partner is yelling and shouting, keep things down on your side. It reduces the chances of becoming angry or mad at your partner.

Share the blame

Practice sharing responsibilities when dealing with issues and not putting all the blame on each other.

Do not bring up the past to the present

Avoid bringing solved arguments in the current one; it breaks your partner down. Forgive and forget.

Avoid using "You always, You never, You did not, I will try, You should, You should Not or "I will try."

Refrain using these statements in your sentence; for example, using "I will try" means you will do things without enthusiasm while using "You should" or "You should not" are used in adult-to-child conversations. You would not like you, partner, to think that you are seeing him/her as a child.

Discuss on the Center of the conflict

Rather than hitting around the bush, centralise on the root of the conflict immediately when you meet your partner.

Direct all your focus on the issue

Fight the conflict and not your partner.

Use the "I feel" or "I love" statement

Using "I feel, I love" or "I wish" convey thoughtfulness. For example, compare "I feel hurt when you do not respond to my calls," to "Why don't you respond to my calls?" The first one less to through a fireball than the latter.

Do not use abusive language

Keep the 'f' word and any offensive word to yourself.

Accept and adjust on correction

As the proverbial saying goes, "He who does not accept reproof is a fool," take up the task that and be ready to acknowledge your mistakes and adapt to new patterns.

Ask for clarification

Do away with assumptions and ask for clarification when not sure about any matters in your relationship.

Express your emotions without being aggressive

Communicate your grievances to your partner without being hostile.

Focus on settling the issue at hand

What is essential is tackling the problem and not who wins.

Agree on "out of bounds" topics

Set clear boundaries and limits, issues like weight loss, attacking each other's family backgrounds should be no-go zones.

Think about the conflict before you face your partner

Think about the aftermath before you approach your partner on any particular issue.

Tone, Time, Turf

Consider the pitch, time, and place to iron out your issues. You would not address a problem in front of your friends

Identify familiar fights

Carefully observe any repeated disputes and raise them to your partner and initiate a quick solution.


Remember, together; you can win any conflict.

Keep in mind that there is no problem without a solution—practice facing all challenges together instead of living all your baggage to your partner.

You will get better in time

The more you deal with conflicts together, the more you get better

In conclusion, conflict and disagreements are normal in every relationship, but it is important to communicate clearly, directly without fear or intimidation.

Keep in mind that both of you are working towards the same purpose, which is common peace of mind.

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