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Lifestyle
List of things that leads people to having an affair
By Dayan Masinde | Updated Aug 23, 2019 at 15:47 EAT
list-of-things-that-leads-people-to-having-an-affair
A man having an affair (Photo/Courtesy)
SUMMARY

A lot of people are getting married for society, for their parents, because they had a baby together or just to be called husband and wife

This rush into marriage or getting married for the wrong reasons will lead you to struggle to be faithful as you married a stranger or someone you don't connect with

1. Rushed marriages

A lot of people are getting married for society, for their parents, because they had a baby together or just to be called husband and wife. This rush into marriage or getting married for the wrong reasons will lead you to struggle to be faithful as you married a stranger or someone you don't connect with. A connection can be worked on if you both are willing.

2. Emotional neglect
The key component of a relationship/marriage is companionship. If you don't attend to your partner's emotional needs, someone else who values your partner more will be willing to do so. Most affairs start as an emotional bond. Cultivate emotional intimacy between you two, communicate warmly and often, don't push your partner away. Create no vacuum.

3. Old habits
If during your singlehood or younger years or in your past relationships you used to be casual about sex and you don't deal with your past, you will do the same in marriage. Take stock of your habits. Leave behind dangerous habits.

4. Bad company
The wrong friends will incite you to be unfaithful and even cover up for you because most likely they are also having affairs. Surround yourself with friends who will keep you accountable.

5. Sexual frustration
When your sexual needs are not met at home, when you have a wife who keeps making excuses or seems disinterested in making love, when you have a husband who makes having sex all about him or who no longer desires you; this can lead to a frustration that makes you vulnerable to temptation. Take care of each other's sexual needs. Husbands, learn to touch your wife, to foreplay, and how to give her pleasure even if your erection doesn't last or you ejaculate too soon. Wives, learn to be sexually engaged, to communicate what you want and to seduce your husband.

6. Perpetual misunderstanding
If you two keep arguing over the same issue, you will grow apart. Soon, you will find someone of the opposite gender to vent to and who will make you feel more understood than your spouse does and an affair will sprout. Learn to solve issues quickly as a couple, seek to understand each other, keep off the little foxes.

7. Working environment
For many, the current working environment is not pro-family. You spend five or sometimes six days a week at work, early morning till evening, spending more time with colleagues who sometimes wear seductively or flirt a lot as you give your spouse and children the exhausted you. This is why a lot of affairs happen at work. The one you spend more time with you create a bond with. Be deliberate about spending time with your spouse, come home early, let your spouse know your close colleagues, take a shower immediately when you come home to give your spouse a fresh you.

8. Lust
Lust makes you self-centered and leads to a sex addiction that is all about you and your orgasms. This will lead you to use multiple people even when you have someone you should be committed to. The cure for lust is love. Think more than just yourself. Get an accountability partner, seek counselling... ignore messages, social media Groups and sex talks that fuel lust.

9. Distance
Distance exposes you both to potential temptation as it robs you face to face interaction which grows intimacy. If you lack self-discipline, you might fall for someone physically close to you to take the place of the one who is far from you. If you are in a long distance relationship/marriage, use technology to communicate often, be accountable to each other about where you are and with who, end the season of being far from each other soon.

10. Innocent help turned romantic
A lot of affairs by good hearted people start as a genuine desire to help someone of the opposite gender, only for romantic feelings to develop because the helper and the one being helped start to feel needed. It is good to help but when you help someone of the opposite gender, involve your spouse.

11. Career
Some careers will put you in sexually charged environments or cause you to travel a lot and if you are weak, you will have sexual encounters with others. As you pursue a profession you love, keep your family as a priority.

12. Revenge
Some people become unfaithful because their spouse was/is unfaithful. You might think that you are punishing your spouse but actually you are stooping low as you abandon your principles. Just because you are hurt doesn't mean you go out of character. Don't let your spouse's mistakes make you become who you are not.

13. Identity crisis
When you have a low self-esteem and doubt yourself, it is easy to use your sex appeal to give you a confidence boost. As a man, you will find yourself pursuing multiple women to have sex with them just to prove you can. As a woman, you will find yourself entertaining men, flirting with them and having sex with them to see if truly you are beautiful. Find yourself and love yourself. When you are lost, you will hurt those around you, especially your spouse

14. Pornography
Once your mind gets used to desiring images and videos of people who act in adult movies, soon, your mind will want real sex with others as you have trained it to desire more than your spouse. Teach your mind to focus on your spouse alone. Stop allowing porn to distract you.

15. Financial struggles
Some people are sleeping with their employers, bosses, clients or financiers to get a job or a promotion. If you used sex to get it, you will use sex to keep it. Don't be a sex slave to a boss who doesn't value your potential and merit. Your spouse will not be happy eating food or living in a house which you had to give your body to get. Your guilt will ruin your marriage. Find noble ways to prosper.

16. Curiosity
When you're curious about threesomes, orgies, how sex with other people of different ages, tribes or cultures feels like, you will find yourself in a complicated mess. Marriage is not for curious people but committed people.

17. False accusations
Some people get so disappointed that their spouse accuses them of cheating so they go on to cheat to prove their spouse right. This solves nothing but compounds problems in marriage. If you know you are innocent, assure your spouse to help deal with his/her fears and insecurities.

18. Alcohol
Many have found themselves waking up in bed with someone not their spouse because of alcohol and they don't know how it happened. If alcohol makes you do things you regret, why drink?

19. Impatience
Some people give up on their marriages too easily and quickly and once you have emotionally checked out, your body will yield to other people's bodies. Marriage is not for quitters. Don't be irrational, quitting your marriage then wanting it back.

20. Unfinished business
An ex that you were sexually involved with can be a huge threat to your marriage, especially if you didn't fully end things. You will find yourself running to him/her when things between you and your spouse are bad, and due to history, things can get intimate very quick. Close the door to your past. If you are weak, block your ex. Don't let your spouse who is your present and future, be uncomfortable about your past.

21. Friends with blurred lines
A friend of the opposite gender can get so close that you let your guard down and boundaries get crossed. Learn to draw the line especially when you feel you are being drowned away from your spouse to the point where you are defending your friend but ignoring your spouse.

22. Lack of vision
When you and your spouse have nothing to look up to together and you have reduced your marriage to just doing chores and paying bills, you will easily abandon your marriage and build a vision with another. Come up with a joint vision as a couple. People commit best when they know where they are going.

© Dayan Masinde

In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I demistify what being a man is and I address the man's sexuality, emotions, thoughts and struggles.

In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I talk how a woman can be the best her as an individual, a wife, a mother, a friend and as a believer in God. I also address her sexuality.

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

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