Things any man should consider before dating

 I am here to talk about this girl called love, and her immediate brother- marriage. So men, consider the following before moving in with a girl.

 Yesterday she saw you alight a matatu on your way here- where you make your daily hustle. You reached her and greeted her but she snubbed. Today she saw you being dropped here in Toyota Lexus and she ran for you, gave you a cool hug and inquired how your night was. It’s from The Toyota Lexus that you become friends! Watch out as she advances to win you. That’s not the kind of girl my dad could advocate for. I mean, don’t marry that one; because one day you’ll take her to Uhuru park for a walk. While there, a Rolls Royce will approach you. The driver will slow down, lower the windscreen and wave at you. That wave will mean something else to your girl. So she will run after it and leave you stranded, because she falls in love with heavy cars. Not people.

 It’s a weekend. So you are kicking out a whole week’s stress in a pub in town. You spot a fine girl seated across your table and beckon her and she complies. You talk and binge until you feel you should now ‘know her better.’ I have no problem with you wanting to know her better. I know your ego is burning with the urge to let her see the refrigerator and the powerful music system in your house. Please calm that ego. Don’t take that girl to your room. Why do you want to wake up tomorrow in an empty sitting room? How do you just take a stranger you met in a bar to your room? This is Nairobi bwana. Please know her better (whatever that means) in a lodging and save your valuables.

 Today you honored your buddy’s bash invitation. That’s where you meet this hot chic dancing and twirling across the room. So she dares you to the dance floor and you take her on since you learned a few styles on TV the other day. And from nowhere you hear yourself tell her that you love her blah blah blah. And she says “ok”.

She also has expertise in smoking sheesha. Ken, don’t bother taking that chic’s number. I mean don’t advance your emotions. That girl is just out to have fun, not to make relationships. If anything, just tap and leave. Sawa?

 Oh! And there’s this girl you call your girlfriend. She enjoys your money more than you do. Anytime she texts you, it’s always a ‘Please call me thank you’ or ‘thanks babe, nimepata’ message. She never bothers to call you. I mean, you send her money and airtime daily. As if that’s not enough, you call her and initiate all the texting. Boy! You are single. Find a girlfriend. Meanwhile, suit yourself.