Choose life

By Njoki Karuoya

Last week, I guess following up on the piece I did on the need for girls to take control of their lives, this young girl wrote to me and shared her problem.

Currently in Form Two (which means she joins Form Three next year), Mercy had a wonderful time last holidays. The year before, one of the young boys in her estate showed interest in her, and because she had been eyeing him for a while, his attentions were quite welcome.

And I can almost picture their setting as they fell more for each other... Any time Mercy would leave her house to go to the shops or to meet up with one of her girlfriends, Melvin would be somewhere nearby and they would throw glances at each other. With time, they built their courage and approached each other. They began enjoying long chats, planning specific dates and spending a lot of time with each other.

Sweet words

When they resumed school, the two continued chatting each other up. And as a result; which is a natural phenomenon once you feed an attraction with sweet words and declarations, by the time they meet the next holidays, it was fireworks. This time, they really threw caution to the wind and engaged in unprotected sex, because they declared eternal love to each other and promised to stick by each other come rain or shine.

These are easy words. We declare them all the time because they are romantic and they make us feel nice. And when the sun is out, it is great and pleasurable.

But when the rain begins to pour, we realise it’s not that much fun. Rain comesin with cold, floods, yucky mud and dirty pools of water. Often, when it rains, we are caught off-guard. Even when one prepares, the sensitive thing to do in most cases is to go indoors when it starts raining, or find a shade and wait for the downpour to end before venturing out again. If the rain finds you in the open, your best bet against it is a good umbrella and a sturdy pair of shoes.

Without these, you will be drenched wet, your shoes will get stuck in the mud, your feet will get muddy, and in bad scenarios, you might slip and fall in the mud, or in a pool of dirty, muddy water.

So guess what happened to these two lovebirds when Mercy missed her periods two months in a row. Fireworks! But not of the pleasurable kind. Mercy panicked and is yo-yoing between doing an abortion and telling Melvin (he still doesn’t know yet she is now about four months pregnant, well hidden, of course, which is something teenage girls are good at doing).

Here is part of Mercy’s email:

“I have a big problem and I don’t know what to do. I have even thought of running away from home and, when things get very bad, I think of committing suicide. I am in Form Two. I met this boy, Melvin, from our hood about a year ago and we started hanging out. In June this year, during our mid term, we hooked up and we had sex. Now to my shock, I have discovered that I’m four months pregnant. I have not told anyone about it although I have been unwell. My parents have spent a lot of money on my education and they will be very disappointed if they find out. My friends will laugh at me and this will kill me because I don’t want to be the school’s laughing stock or a disgrace in our neighbourhood. I don’t know who to talk to about abortion. I am sure my boyfriend will not want anything to do with the baby or me once he finds out. What should I do?

And my response to her is not to give up on life. Bumps occur everywhere and they are a wonderful tool for slowing down and taking stock of one’s life and options. This is a bump and now that you have come across it, take a deep breath, slow down and review your options.

Choosing truth

Abortion is never a good option, as is suicide. In fact, this is the worst. The best options are often the hard ones as they call for choosing truth. In other words, you need to speak to Melvin and to your parents, as they will lighten your load and help you deal with this crisis. The truth will always set you free. Yes, there will be flak, but that’s part of the downpour. The rain will eventually cease; the dark clouds will lift and the sun will come out and shine. Focus on that light at the end of the tunnel and you will be fine.

Take each day at a time and, trust you me, things will be fine when you hold that baby in your arms and resume school after maternity to continue with your academic life. Life is never over until it is over.