My ex won’t leave me alone

I live in Thika town while my girlfriend stays in Nairobi. Just recently, I found out that she was playing me with this guy who lives in Nairobi. I was so devastated and because of the hurt I went through, I found myself getting involved with a girl who happened to be her best friend.

She was single and was also looking for genuine love. Despite the fact that we sort of broke up after I caught her, she is now becoming a big pain in our relationship, as she won’t let us be happy. She is doing everything she can to interfere with our relationship and she is really stressing us. What can I do about her?

{Otieno}

Your say ...

?Otieno, a relationship is between two and once a third party is involved, it goes sour. If your new girl is fine with the relationship, involve her in a serious talk with your ex-girlfriend. Assure her of your love in the presence of your ex.

{Eric Wanyama}

Are you sure you are really in love with this new girl or is it rebound? It is not right to date your ex-girlfriend’s friend. She may have the same tendencies as your ex and may end up cheating on you.

{Andrew Ochieng, Nairobi}

Otieno, I know how deep a heartbreak can be. Your ex did not care about you; otherwise she wouldn’t have cheated on you. Keep away from her and continue with your new relationship.

{Migiro Benson, Nairobi}

Your ex-girlfriend has no right to interfere with your relationship. Assure your current girlfriend that you love her and nothing is going to change.

{Vivian Omutets, Kericho}

Your ex-girlfriend has no right to interfere with your relationship. What did she expect when she cheated on you? Did she expect that you would overlook it and forgive her? It is not her business who you date now.

{Vikings Kiprop, Eldoret}

If your love is genuine, it will withstand all the challenges. Take heart and if possible, stay away from this bothersome girl. She had her chance and she squandered it.

{BT Njeri}

Simon says ...

First, I think she got what she deserved when you caught her cheating. When people are unfaithful, they don’t deserve to be in a relationship. However, I don’t think getting involved with her best friend was the best move for you. In the dating world, there are some unspoken rules, which in many ways help to keep people sane and talking.

These rules include the need to give yourself reasonable time between one relationship and the other; not getting involved with your ex-girlfriend’s close friends or relatives (this rule also applies to dating your boys ex-girlfriends as well as family members) and the fact that you cannot find love if you are still hurting from another relationship.

In my opinion, you got involved with the new girl so fast that you may have been on the rebound (maybe you are still on the rebound). I am also pretty sure about how all this started. You confided in her about what you unearthed, the pain you were going through and she gave you a shoulder to lean and cry on.

Because of the ensuing friendship orchestrated by the fact that you were downcast, you spent lots of time together then one time you kissed then one thing led to another… I have some doubts about the feelings you have for her. Subconsciously, you may be trying to get back at your ex for what she did to you.

What to do about the ex-girlfriend? I am sure you did not expect her to take this lying down. Of course she is hurt by your getting involved with her best friend, so she is not likely to give you any peace in the near future. Encourage her to move on with her life and with her other boyfriend.

Then leave this other girl alone as you will soon realise you are actually not in love with her. Get yourself another girl first to allow for healing and also so that your ex-girlfriend can give you peace of mind. How would you feel if you broke up with a girl (for whatever reason) then she starts dating your best friend or brother? Would you be in the same position she is in?