I want to divorce my lazy wife

I think I made the wrong choice for a wife and I am considering divorce. We have been married for six years and have two children. I am in business and I struggle to run two enterprises, which have not yet stabilised yet. My wife stays in the house and manages a business I started for her by phone. She wakes up at around eight in the morning despite the fact that our firstborn is going to school thereby making the housegirl to do everything. She then lazes around the house watching Nigerian movies and loves to spend money rather than invest. I wanted a wife who can also be my business partner not just a housewife. I need someone who shares in my vision and who will help me attain it. Please advice on what I should do. I am considering leaving her.   {Leonard}

Your take:

 Leonard, it looks like you will have to decide whether you need a business partner or a wife and mother to you children.

Your wife should not necessarily be your business partner. You can hire someone to run the business as your wife takes care of the family.

If she had good qualities that made you marry her, appreciate her despite her weaknesses.

{Tasma Charles}

Other than material provision, a woman needs to be cherished and loved. She may be unhappy and you need to listen to her concerns. You need to share your vision with her so that you can achieve it together. Opening a business for her without seeking her opinion will not change her attitude.

{Andrew Chaplin}

 

Do not lose hope but talk to her and air out your grievances. Help her to understand the need to be a responsible and a hardworking wife. If the talks fail, involve a third party — a close relative or a religious leader.

{Ojou Robert}

If from the onset you showed her that you can cater for the family budget without her support, it would be difficult to convince her that you need her support now.

The way forward is to first embrace a positive attitude towards her and approach her in a polite manner.

Demonstrate to her that economic times have changed and that is why you need her support to meet the family budget.

{John Mbochi}

 

Divorce is not the best option for you since it will negatively impact on your children and you. Sit down with your wife and explain to her your concerns.

Tell her that other than being your wife, you would also want her to act as your business partner. You can also involve her close friends or a counsellor.  

{Oyoo Wycklife}

 

Your marriage has overcome so many storms so you must not quit at this point. Your wife and children need you the most because their lives depend on the decision you make.

Be open to her and let her know that her behaviour is affecting you. Discuss with her the importance of investment as opposed to careless spending.

{Karanja David}

Divorce is not a wise idea because there are children involved. She needs to understand that the comfort she is enjoying is as a result of your hard work.

{Etyang Denis}

 

Leonard, your wife does not need to be your business partner because she may not have the interest nor the qualities that make a businesswoman. However, her laziness is a cause for concern. Explain to her that as a wife and a mother, you expect her to be hard working.

{Ogara George}

 

 My take:

Business is not for everyone

Leonard, not everyone is cut out for business. Business requires deep passion, commitment and a burning desire for success. I don’t know for how long you courted her and what made you decide to start a business for her. Did she exhibit business traits? Was she in business before she met you?

If she had these qualities I mentioned, she would not be running that business on the phone but would be more proactive.

But why is she behaving like this?

Primary source of income:

People manage businesses well to nurture and transform them into projects that with time become their primary source of income.

She knows well that that business she is managing is not and will never be her primary source of income – you are.

To an extent, you may be responsible for her attitude as you may have instilled certain beliefs in her that have put her in a comfort zone.

You put it correctly that she believes you are rich. In deed you are rich if you can afford a life in an up-market neighbourhood, buy her a dress and jewellery every month.

So why does she have to struggle with some business if indeed she has a rich husband?

Facing reality:

It is time you made her realise that you are not as rich as she thinks you are.

As a matter of fact it works better if you show her how poor you are.

Part of the reason she is lazing around is because she has no financial responsibilities to take care of.

If you want a business partner in your wife, you have to remove the emotional aspect and allocate responsibilities. These would include paying some bills, household utilities and a percentage of some recurring expenses like rent.

She needs to understand that you cannot meet all these costs — not because you don’t want to but because you cannot (even if you can).

The idea is to change her thinking that you are a rich man.

You may need to withdraw all preferential treatment and goodies and show her that if she wants something she has to work for it.

At first, this will stir up problems since she will start linking this to emotional commitment and she may complain that you don’t love her.

Despite that, you have to stay focused as this is not a smooth process.

{Taurus}