How do I tell my husband that his best friends are hitting on me?

I am 30, have been married for four years and have one child. We have had our share of good as well as difficult times in our marriage just like any other couple. Through the difficult times, our close friends have been there for us and especially for my husband when he was really down financially. He now owes his friends a lot of money, well over a million and he is struggling to pay back. The problem is that these friends of his are all hitting on me through all means. I am afraid he may get to know about this someday and I don’t want him to feel betrayed. I want to end this but they are so persistent. I really don’t know what to do with them and I am even considering telling him what is going on.  {Jessica Mwongeli}

Your Take:

You are already betraying him and you know it. Free yourself from you then empathize with your husband and do the right thing. Those friends are not the problem, you are!

{Nduta Wa Mungai}

Someday, you will overcome all your problems. Encourage your husband to reduce borrowing and to only borrow for a worthy cause. Also discourage him from borrowing to pay debts as this only puts you deeper in financial trouble.

When those men approach you, record the conversations secretly and threaten to tell him what is going on. Avoid meeting and even communicating with these men and more so in secret otherwise they may do harmful things to you including raping you.

{Onyango Outha, Jauduny}

Jessica, life is not always a bed of roses; it comes with challenges. However, these challenges are not meant to break us, rather to make us stronger. In such times, we depend on friends to help us but some do not help with sincerity. They later come to claim a share of what they give. However much the debt, I know he is trying his best to pay it back. Tell your man so they can explain what they are really up to.

{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}

Jessica, do not keep this to yourself. Share this with him as soon as possible. This will help him know just what kind of friends he has and what they are capable of.

{Fred Jausenge}

They are just behaving like the men they are. Men are never gentle and always want to take advantage of the vulnerable beautiful lady next door. Do not tell your husband yet, be firm and tell them you are just about to share their advances with their friend.

 I am sure they will stop and respect you for the rest of their lives. Steer clear of social media and get yourself a new line. It may expose you to a lot of pressure and you may give in, which will finally deplete you of the respect you’ve already earned for yourself.

{Tasma Charles}

Counselor’s Take:

Jessica, this situation is not as complex as you are making it out to be. This is blackmail, which if handled the right way will never see the light of day. However, before we look at how to handle it, I urge you to stop with immediate effect even contemplating to tell your husband about these advances from his friend. Men do not handle such matters well and these have potential to turn overly tragic.

Often, there are many things that happen to people who are in relationships including what you are going through and the way to deal with them is to take the intelligence approach ie only share that information that is absolutely necessary for other to know but keep the bulk away from them.

Men do not like hearing that another man is even looking a little longer than he ought in the direction of his wife. This is even worse when it is the wife telling about this as they often wonder if you are indeed either part of the scheme or enjoying the advances. This can get nasty.

This is not an isolated case and it happens a lot. As a matter of fact, some women seduce the men who provide some form but mostly financial support to their husbands as a way of thanking them or to reduce the pressure for repayment.

This is sheer nonsense as it only makes the woman appear cheap and daft because at the end of the day, the debts are never written off. It only puts him in a weaker position event to stand up for himself event to bargain or negotiate.

In handling your situation, you need to tell those men off and let them handle their issues as men. You are not a part of this. If you even dare to give in to the demands then you will become a sex slave to them.

The best way to handle this is to threaten to tell – even though you know you would not dare do this. Then avoid all forms of contact with these men and eventually they will get the message. Do not engage yourself with any such discussions and this will slowly die out. {Taurus}