Under lock and key: Love in the time of rallying in Vasha

Spectators during the WRC Safari Rally Kenya. [Stafford Ondego, Standard]

Vroooom, vroooom, vrooooooom! the rally drivers roared, and so did a steady trickle of Kenyans, many of them rally enthusiasts, and others who are enthusiastic just about everything, and made their way to Naivasha, now gaining a reputation as the "sin city." At some point, new arrivals had formed a beeline stretching some kilometres.

And hotels and other establishments were so heavily booked, some of the visitors stayed put in their vans and cars and what-have-you, their voices hoarse from shouting in the merriment. And some opted to sleep out in the open and watch the moon-if the moon shines on it as well!

It is understandable why Naivasha, or Vasha, as it's known to its many fans would elicit such strong emotional responses: it produced most of the cheap liquours consumed in the country. And things are so steamy, even the rivers that course the land are hot baths, one of the most famous being Hell's Gate.

But then, there were some revellers who were silent because they had been zimwad, which is to say, their eyes had gradually dimmed, before ultimately losing light and then, kaput. It wasn't out of exhaustion from the merriment, although that was also a probable cause; they passed out after their drinks or food were spiked by a gang generally identified as the Vasha babes.

This is a collective of womenfolk whose main occupation is to look good because, as they say in Vasha, the rest will follow. Ironically, the Vasha babes are not based in the township, even though they derive their identity from there; they choose Vasha for their heists due to its strategic location: it's close enough to Nairobi, but not too close.

The Vasha babes, it is understood, also choose the town because Nairobi men prefer discretion when they visit there, so they arrive loaded with cash, for obvious reasons. The cash is usually hidden in unlikely spaces like the car's exhaust. But since Vasha babes have an especially strong smell, they still figure such hideouts.

And so, when the men who woke from drug-induced slumber found they had been separated from their hard-earned cash, any damsel apprehended afterwards was likely to say they had merely taken the cash for safekeeping, seeing their friends were in no state to take care of their valuables.

I understand a similar anxiety was experienced by the men who took Vasha babes to their hotel rooms. None would dare sleep a wink for fear they might be stolen and dumped elsewhere by the Vasha babes. And they couldn't find a safe space to keep their keys, lest they find the Vasha babes had disappeared and locked them inside.

I didn't know dating in the digital age is this difficult, especially during the rallying season. My first suggestion is that men should avoid alcohol in Vasha altogether. I know this could be counter-productive; some folks need to imbibe before they can find their tongues, while others need it to keep things going.

Neither do you want to alert hotel receptionists to keep an eye on your guests, should they choose to leave before you wake up, especially carrying luggage that might not belong to them. My suggestion: Lock the door and swallow the key and wait to release it the following morning, as they say, through the natural cycle of things.

That way, those who steal from the unsuspecting revellers would have to find other ways to leave the scene of crime before their victims rouse from sleep and demand back what's rightfully theirs.