Online aunties: Where do kids go for role models?

Online aunties: Where do kids go for role models? (Photo: iStock) When 10-year-old Alvin Odera gets home from school, his mother expects him to finish homework before watching TV. However, Alvin usually has other plans. He grabs his tablet, logs onto YouTube, and quickly drifts into a world of gamers, vloggers, and funny skits. By the time his mother checks in, Alvin is repeating phrases from a stranger he calls his "favourite auntie" - a 23-year-old content creator whom his mother has never heard of. This is a question many parents are asking: Are our children being raised by digital aunties and nannies"? Digital aunties vs real aunties In the past, "auntie" was the woman next door who would scold a child for mischief, teach a girl from next door how to cook chapati, or share stories of resilience. Today, "auntie" is a beauty influencer giving makeup tutorials. For 37-year-old Wambui Mawira, a mother of two in Nakuru, the challenge is real. "During my childhood, my aunties corrected me and taught me manners. Now, my children are glued to TikTok. They know influencers by name, but don't know our next-door neighbour. When I ask them to greet guests properly, they roll their eyes and mimic an online skit. It's frustrating," she says. Wambui is not alone. Many parents feel their authority undermined by the powerful influence of online creators. Some admit that they hand over screens to keep children quiet while they work. What begins as convenience slowly morphs into dependency. "Children are now learning slang, fashion, humour, and even discipline from influencers, and not family elders. The danger isn't just exposure to inappropriate content, but the erosion of communal parenting itself," says Catherine Mgendi a family coach and counsellor. Mary Nduta, a child psychologist, concurs and explains: "Children naturally imitate what they see. If they spend four hours daily on TikTok, those influencers become their role models. They begin to trust online voices more than parents or teachers." According to a 2024 Unicef report, Kenyan children spend an average of 3-5 hours daily online. That is more time than they spend with their parents during weekdays. For working parents, Mgendi says, the screen has become the new "auntie and nannie all rolled into one. "It soothes tantrums, entertains during meals, and gives parents breathing space, but the convenience comes with hidden costs, such as shortened attention spans, declining face-to-face social skills, sleep disruption, and exposure to harmful trends (like dangerous TikTok," she says. The Unicef statistics speak volumes in many urban centres and rural communities with parents lamenting the absence of communal care. "Back in the day, if I misbehaved, even the kiosk owner would correct me. Today, no one wants to interfere," says James Kariuki, a father of three girls. Nduta says this silence leaves children vulnerable. Without real-life aunties and uncles, she notes, offering correction, affirmation, and guidance, many children turn to virtual ones. But can a screen really nurture values of empathy, respect, and responsibility? What are children actually learning? For parents, the battle is not about banning technology, which is nearly impossible. It's about balancing real human mentorship with digital exposure. Digital aunties are not inherently bad, says Mugendi. "Some creators produce educational content, teaching science experiments, art, or storytelling, while others offer comfort to lonely children, particularly in urban settings where parents are absent," she says. Yet, there is a flip side, says Mgendi: Not all content aligns with family values. Children may absorb language, fashion, or behaviour that parents neither model nor approve. While real aunties corrected behaviour with a glance or word, digital aunties mostly entertain, rarely teaching boundaries. Also, children form attachments to influencers, sometimes preferring them over real-life relationships. "Children are wired to imitate, and when their main source of role models is online personalities, they mirror not just the fun dances, but also the slang, the attitudes, and even the worldview," says the family coach. Cultural anthropologists say the digital auntie phenomenon is part of a larger cultural transition. "In African societies, storytelling by the fire, riddles, and communal play were the glue of childhood," says Prof. Stepen Rwigi, a sociologist at Kenyatta University. "Today, that fire has been replaced by phone screens. The stories children consume are no longer rooted in their heritage but in global trends," he says, adding: The result is children who may be tech-savvy, but less grounded in local culture. The digital nanny phenomenon also exposes gaps in father-child bonding. Many boys, especially teenagers, look up to YouTube gamers or TikTok comedians instead of their fathers. "I tried to show my son how to fix a leaking tap," says Daniel, Ndunda, a father three. "He wasn't interested. Later, I heard him following a YouTube channel on DIY hacks. It stung! I was sidelined." The issue, Daniel reflects, is not about skills. It is about relevance. Children crave connection, and digital aunties and uncles often feel more engaging, fun, and "present" than adults around them. What parents can do Instead of fighting the digital tide, experts advise parents to co-create spaces where children experience both digital and real mentorship. Watch content together and discuss it. Introduce children to positive local creators, including Kenyan ones who share cultural stories. Balance screen time with real-life experiences - visits to relatives, community events, or practical family activities. "Parents cannot reclaim their authority by banning digital aunties," Dr. Murage adds. "They must reclaim it by being present, engaged, and fun in their own children's lives." If the old village has shrunk, perhaps it is time to rebuild a new one. Churches, schools, and community organisations can play a role in bridging the gap. Mentorship programs, youth clubs, and family days can reintroduce children to real-world aunties and uncles. "The challenge for today's parents is not to choose between digital and real aunties, but to balance both. The question is: will they rise to it? Poses the family coach. As Alvin's mother found out later, it is not enough to set rules about homework. The real work lies in reshaping the environment so that Alvin can grow up guided not only by online strangers, but also by the wisdom and love of his real-life community. "The digital aunties may be loud, funny, and influential, but it is the real aunties who ground children in values, belonging, and identity," says Psychologist Nduta.

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