Modern fatherhood: Rise of the present dad

Modern fatherhood: Rise of the present dad (Photo: iStock)

Stepping beyond traditional boundaries, modern fathers are redefining the parenting narrative by embracing hands-on care, emotional connection and unwavering support.

From guiding their children through life's challenges to celebrating their successes, these fathers play an invaluable role in shaping their children's futures.

We spoke to four fathers about their experiences, the lessons they have learned and the unique joys and complexities of raising children in today's world:

James Kamunde and his children

James Kamunde: A father's enduring legacy

James Kamunde's career was flourishing at a new bank that was rapidly expanding its operations when he became a father in the 1980s. He was often sent to open branches in different countries, far from his family.

With work consuming most of his time, moments with his loved ones became rare. Faced with this difficult choice and the prospect of divorce, he made a decision: he resigned from his job to start his own business.

"I wanted to spend more time with my family, so I had to leave my job," he recalls. "It was a challenging time, but I am glad I left. I started living with them and was able to participate in some of their events."

Decades later, history repeated itself with his daughter, April Kamunde. She confided in him about her desire to leave the corporate world and become a full-time artist. Her revelation reminded him of his own pivotal decision.

As James himself is an artist, having previously performed at the Kenya National Theatre and Voice of Kenya, he supported her without hesitation, and this situation unfolded another layer of connection.

"There was only one company that she enjoyed working at, and when its headquarters closed, she never quite fit into her subsequent jobs. She felt frustrated," he says. "She told me she wanted to quit, and I am open to those kinds of ideas. I told her to go for it without hesitation because I had seen her cry."

Sharing that experience with her has strengthened their bond over the years. He has since followed her artistic journey keenly, speaking to his artist friends about how he can help her, encouraging her and visiting her, as he lives nearby. He does anything he can to contribute to her development as an independent artist.

James, who lost his father at the age of six, has no memory of him. When asked what he would like to be remembered for, he paused for a long time.

"That is a tough one. I have made amends with them for what I could have done better. I hope they remember me as a friend," he reflects.

He has never celebrated Father's Day before, often letting the day slip away like a fleeting thought.

"It only came to be celebrated recently in Kenya. I never do anything special, and I would never put pressure on my children. I will be relaxing," he shares.

Jay Maumau

Jay Maumau: Lessons from the sidelines

Jay Maumau (real name James Masai), an Austria-based Kenyan hip-hop artiste and father of two young boys, has a passion for football. Watching his older son play football takes him back to his own youth, when he and his father both played the sport briefly. His son has naturally gravitated towards football and is now enrolled in an academy.

Seeing his children embody the values of love, discipline and independence that he instils in them radiates more joy for him than anything else. Having grown up in a culture where boys were taught to "toughen up", precious moments spent with his son serve as a reminder for him to soften up more.

"He tells me he loves me many times. He looks for me when he comes home and hugs me," Jay shares. "I spend most of my Sundays with them. There were times when I would spend that day nursing a hangover from a night of clubbing instead of being there for them. I realised that it's not always about me."

Jay unwinds by meditating, going to the gym, travelling and creating music. Although he is planning to take his family for a walk in the park this Father's Day, he reflects on how fatherhood has been anything but easy for him.

"Fatherhood hasn't been easy, but it opened a new chapter in my life and transformed me. Looking at my sons energises me to keep going. I want to give them everything, even what I didn't get as a child, including time with them." He says.

Jay immortalised his love for them through his song, 'Sons of the African Sun,' featuring Nyota Ndogo, which he dedicated to them. Talent matters to him, and he plans on continuing to be a present father who is supportive of their aspirations.

"I want my children to live their dreams. I think my son will be a professional footballer and his sibling has an interest in music. If I had the same opportunities as them while growing up, I would have been a great footballer; I hope one day they remember that my father was there," he says.

Harold Otinga

Harold Otinga: A father's unshaken spirit

Dear Chase and Hayes,

I just wanted to let you both know how proud I am of you. I’ll always be there to support you, whatever happens. As you grow up, I hope you'll keep your hearts kind, your minds open, and your spirits unshaken. I don’t know what I did to deserve sons like you, but I thank my lucky stars every day for the chance to be your father.

With love,

Dad.

This heartfelt letter from Harold Otinga truly captures the essence of his journey as a father to his twins.

For Harold, fatherhood revealed a side of himself that he had never known existed. Being a father to eight-month-old twins has meant doubling his efforts to provide care and material support for his partner and children.

Battling self-doubt amidst a sea of unsolicited parenting advice, while trying to find a balance between his career and personal life, has often overwhelmed him. Although he dedicates Sundays to his family, he sometimes finds himself torn between spending time with them and taking on an unexpected freelance gig to provide for them.

"I decided that every Sunday is family time. I prioritise them in all my plans. I have had to put my dreams on hold for now, until they grow older and become more independent," he says.

He often straps them into baby carriers, one on his front and one on his back and goes for walks. He sings to them, introducing them to the music of his era. Even as a present father, there are milestones that he is sad to have missed, such as when they learned to crawl and stand up by themselves.

In his free time, he opens up to a much older friend and fellow father about the pressures of fatherhood. He also expresses his individuality by spending time with people who aren't fathers, which is a different aspect of his life.

Admitting that despite his best efforts, he is far from perfect, he hopes that his children will remember him as their hero who always tried to be there for them.

"Firstly, when is it?" he asks, referring to how he'll celebrate Father's Day. "I'll celebrate it with my family at my mother's."

Faiz Francis Ouma: The journey of a new father

Theatre and TV actor Faiz Francis Ouma recently staged his one-man play, It's Such a Good Time, in which he openly shared his experiences of becoming a father and his life as an artist. Faiz believes in taking things one day at a time, and he hopes that his son will remember him as a present father.

"Fatherhood is unique because I am experiencing everything for the first time," explains Faiz. "The first time I was left alone with him was a beautiful challenge. Every moment we spend together is special, but the most memorable ones were when we first smiled at each other, and when the neighbourhood children wrote him letters on his first birthday."

Faiz carves out time away from fatherhood to meditate, work out, take walks, visit his favourite places and look after his mental health. He was also unaware of when Father's Day falls.

"Now that I know about Father's Day, I’ll try to be more intentional about it before it arrives," he concludes.