How to deal with sibling rivalry

How to deal with sibling rivalry (Photo: iStock)

The bond between siblings is one of the strongest relationships in our lives. They shape our identities and provide a shared history like no other. Yet for some of us this connection can become a source of profound pain and conflict, sometimes even leading to rifts that sever communication and cause deep emotional scars.

When you have to endure constant criticism, manipulation, disrespect, jealousy or boundary violations that leave you feeling emotionally drained, undervalued or hurt beyond words, you are likely dealing with a toxic sibling.

To get to the bottom of this complex situation, many questions need to be asked because the causes of fractured sibling relationships are multifaceted. They stem from unique dynamics that began in your childhood and evolved.

This could be perceived parental favouritism leading to resentment and rivalry, unresolved childhood conflicts that were never adequately addressed, major life transitions like marriage, children, career successes or failures, inheritance disputes or the difficult responsibility of caring for elderly parents can place immense strain on existing sibling dynamics.

For parents caught in the middle, this rift between their adult children can be profoundly painful as you can imagine. And naturally, they will want to intervene and fix the relationship.

This, however, must be approached with caution and wisdom, otherwise, it will escalate the situation.

As parents, you must avoid taking sides. Favouring one child over the other, even unintentionally, will exacerbate the problem and deepen the divide. While offering a safe space for dialogue can be helpful, do not force your adult children to reconcile. You will learn the hard way that attempts to mandate interaction often backfire.

Listen empathetically as a neutral party to each child’s perspective without judgment and acknowledge their pain and frustrations without necessarily agreeing with their actions or interpretations of the situation.

Secondly, encourage individual responsibility by helping each of them to reflect on their own contributions to the dynamic.

As a parent, you have the right to establish boundaries in your home to protect your own peace and space. While focusing on their grievances, ensure there is a path to resolution and respect. For deeply entrenched conflicts or when direct communication repeatedly breaks down then perhaps it is time to engage a third party such as a therapist or pastor.

These professionals will help foster proper communication and propose constructive conflict resolutions.