Overcoming the saviour complex

Are you the kind of person who is always helping others? Running errands for them, fixing their problems believing only you can get it right?

As much as sometimes help is necessary — and completely natural, do you find yourself overdoing it? Are you obsessed with being everyone’s fixer? This is a behaviour known as “Saviour Complex” or “Hero syndrome”.

Essentially, helping others comes with good intentions. However, there are those who think that their services make them more heroic than others.

Ladan Hayes describes saviour complex as a behaviour that makes a person possess “a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people.”

It is a destructive behavior for the helper and the person receiving the assistance. The latter might get used to it and develop a habit of not taking responsibility for their actions.

Sometimes it can get worse to the point that one targets coworkers who seem to do things unconventionally and correct them every time. All this to just gain more recognition; showboating.

But how do you overcome it?

Let others be

We have to keep in mind that people have different capabilities and employ different strategies when faced with challenges. The people you perpetually help can be more capable and more resourceful that you think.

Overcome the incessant need to fix their problems by teaching them to toughen up and solve their own challenges. You will get more work done this way. After all, your colleagues are fully-grown adults. Stop taking responsibility for their actions.

Let a ‘weak’ colleague lead

It is a confidence booster to let other people you consider to be in perpetual need for help take up leadership roles in team projects. Allow them to explore and air their out of the box solutions.

Avoid being too available and assuming that others are helpless. Become an active listener when they lead. Sometimes what your presumably “weak” colleagues need is just a supportive co-worker. It is sometimes insulting to “rescue” people. It demonstrates your lack of confidence in their abilities to solve problems.

Understand that adversity is important for growth

Sometimes, the people around us need to go through a tough situation to realise positive growth. It is all part of life. If you rob them of this important life step, you may deprive them of the cornerstone that was needed to teach them an invaluable lesson. Tame your inflated sense of heroism by letting others learn their lessons through experience.

Wait before stepping in

Ignore your compulsive savior behavior and wait. Only take action when there is an apparent appeal for help. Keenly observe boundaries so that you do not over-commit.  Show empathy when a co-worker is facing a rough time but do not get too involved.

Accept that you may be wrong sometimes

Individuals who exhibit the saviour complex tend to correct every tiny bit. They quickly see other people’s flaws and rush to put them out, lecturing them on how to do stuff differently. Check your assumptions and accept your own inadequacies. Not realising your flaws is a flaw on its own. Get over it.

Use emotional intelligence

The benefits of using emotional intelligence especially at the workplace cannot be over-emphasised.

Lack of emotional intelligence could sometimes be the main reason behind the saviour complex. When you inadequately assess the issues present and to what extent your help is needed may result in boundary and personal space problems.

Learn to recognise your own emotions, express them effectively and be keen enough to appropriately assess what others around you are dealing with. Be guided by personal values and principles that guide your decision making.

Examine aspects of your life you might have neglected

Fixing others regularly could leave you starved of some aspects of your own development. Self-assess your life and spot your own shortcomings.

Have you been fair to yourself? Is your self-esteem a huge contributor to your saviour complex? Are there any childhood traumas and neglect issues that compel you to fix everyone around you? Make peace with yourself.

Acknowledge any connection and repair any bad experiences of the past. If need be, see a professional therapist to help you heal from past wounds. These are core aspects that need to be looked into and appropriate action taken to heal them.