I have been secretly in love with my work colleague

Dear Coleen

I am 26 and have an ongoing crush on my male colleague. I’ve felt like this for over two years now and day by day my feelings just get stronger. I can’t stop thinking about him.

I think he has feelings for me too. He always acts in a gentlemanly way towards me and stares at me quite often.

I feel his eyes on me from across the room sometimes and, although it feels flattering, it hurts knowing he doesn’t know how I feel and how special he is to me.

He is on my mind day and night. I’ve never fancied anyone as much as this before.

And there are more signs – when we lock eyes, he always smiles and has a sweet soft tone whenever he talks to me. I feel like he’s hinting that he likes me, but I just can’t be certain.

I can’t imagine anybody in my life apart from him – no other guy can be a substitute.

What’s more, I have been thinking of moving to a different job but every time I think that I might go without him knowing what he means to me, it just kills me. I really want him to know how I feel.

But then again, I’m worried about the awkwardness of the whole situation – what if I’m just left with a bitter feeling of rejection and low self-worth? I would do anything to be with him. If only he knew.

Coleen says

Two years is a long time to be this into someone and not do anything about it, so I think you need to ask yourself why you haven’t attempted to take things further with him.

If he’s looking at you a lot and flirting, then maybe he does fancy you too, but he could be worried about getting involved with a colleague, which is an issue for some people because it can make the job very difficult if things don’t work out.

Use colleagues and general chit-chat to find things out. If you discover that he’s actually in a relationship, then it’s the perfect time to change jobs because mentally and emotionally you need to move on.

If he’s single, strike up general conversation – that’s how things start if there is chemistry between you.

Ask him where he goes for a drink after work, ask him what his commute to the office is like and so on. Right now, it doesn’t sound as if you actually talk to him much at all.

But beware! The danger of admiring someone this much from afar is that when you actually get to know them properly, they can be a huge letdown.

Good luck.