By Hamza Babu
KENYA: Bashir was a well-meaning husband whose only wish was to deliver on the ultimate matrimonial promise. But his inability to function at the junction always got between him and his wife.
But as usual, men suffering from such dysfunction would rather suffer in silence, than shame their entire clan with the admission.
And in such cases, pride always complicates matters further. It’s common to hear idle men of that variety chest thump, proclaiming their sexual prowess before fellow men knowing very well that anyone with contrary opinion can’t prove it.
“All the men in my family ooze with machismo that is why our women are so subservient. They say shikamoo every time we sneeze!” one such type, who frequents Kahawa Tungu always boasts to anyone who cares to listen.
And then he goes on and on extolling the virtues of ‘men’ in his family, like the rest of us are a bunch of little sissies.
So when Bashir who was growing quite thin got to hear an advertisement about men solutions, the fellow literally went over the moon.
According to his close friend and confidant, he purchased some blue pills and then detoured to Kahawa Tungu to make an overkill before retiring home.
I remember as though it was just the other day when the two young men breezed into my place.
Of course, it was during happy hour when customers get two for the price of one and as usual, the place was packed to the rafters.
They settled close to the entrance and no sooner had they taken seats, than Bashir ordered a boiling hot pot of my most potent Kahawa Tungu with all the fixings.
“What’s the occasion?” an eager patron enquired.
“Just passing here for a drink to stabilise my mind before I go to teach my wife manners.
By the way, make sure it has enough kungu manga (nutmeg) and mdalasini (cinnamon),” he ordered. So in high spirits, they gulped down the ages old brew and they must have spiked it with their blue pills because before long, Bashir was foaming at the mouth.
“Today she will admit I am ‘badder’ than most,” those were the last words the fellow said before he violently clutched his chest fell down on the floor like a sack of potatoes.
The incident shocked most of customers and prompted them to scatter helter skelter. They did not want to be witnesses in a drug overdose case.
The rest of us who were men enough to remain behind, forced the victim’s best friend to give him mouth to mouth resuscitation.
When he regained consciousness, his words were, “I almost died because of a woman, no more blue pills for me. Let the damned thing hang low.”
We dusted him and sent him home to his wife to explain why he couldn’t perform, yet again.