Men will never figure out love

By Tony Masikonde

You’ve probably heard the pick up line, “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” Remember that girl in high school you couldn’t take your eyes off of? You thought she had ordered Cupid to aim straight for your heart and steal it away. You know, the one who ended up dating your second cousin?

You believed then that love at first sight was possible, but perhaps you are among those who believe it’s a just Hollywood blockbuster recipe.

Is there such thing as love at first sight? Frao had posed as we waited to watch for our Rugby Sevens team to kick ass in Moscow.

“What has happened now?”  Brayo asked almost in an exasperated manner.

“I was watching a movie yesterday and some two youngsters met in a train and went home together as lovebirds,” he continued.

“Listening to yourself,” I admonished Frao. “That was a movie, hello!”

“No, even Nelson Mandela says immediately he set his eyes on Winnie, he knew he had to make her his wife,” Frao charged.

To prove that we were all wrong, he called a shrink who happens to be his friend and put him on speakerphone.

“Deep lovers, especially men who fall in love madly at first contact, tend to firmly believe in love at first sight. The problem is that they believe in it so much that every woman they frequent becomes the love of their life,” Frao’s smartphone crooned.

“So these kinds of men do not know the real love, I suppose?” Stacy, who had just arrived, asked the expert on the other end of the line.

“I’m not saying that these men have a false sense of what love is, but they do have a blurred sense of what instantaneous true love represents. Above that, many become blind and only take the sexy curves and crystal eyes into account, forgetting that she can turn out to be a jealous cougar, a vengeful vixen, or both. These men don’t see beyond the figure kama ya chupa!” explained the shrink.

“So a man can fall in love at first sight weekly?” I enquired.

“It’s certainly so,” he answered

Frao, noticing that the shrink was not as supportive of this persuasion as he had wished, suddenly realised we were using his airtime and hurriedly excused the shrink.

The seemingly easy question got even more complex as our judgement continued to get blurred as we imbibed.

“While we are at it, is there such a thing as unconditional love?” I slurred.

“There is no such thing!” Brayo barked.

“When you love a girl,” he explained, “you do so because there are certain aspects of the woman that you buy into. If those aspects were to be absent, you wouldn’t even notice her on the streets on Nairobi,” he argued.

“But I have heard people proclaim unconditional love for each other…” I protested.

“Oh shut up, Tony — we know your history,” Frao scoffed. And with that, I was gagged.