When beauties attract the beasts

The shopping centre that serves Uturine, my once sleepy village on the eastern slopes of Mt Kenya, has gained its second watering hole.

Previously, the only place people could slake their thirst was at the grandiosely named Undecided Leisure Resort, an establishment that prides itself on its two outstanding possessions, an ancient black-and-white TV set and its spectacularly built attendant, Karembo.

The TV set occupies an important place in the life of the bar because it offers the young men of the village the excuse to while away the hours chewing miraa and pretending to watch football matches in faraway Britain while secretly ogling Karembo’s riveting behind, as she goes about her business.

I have said before that Karembo’s anatomy has a magnetic, not to mention mesmeric effect on men, resident and visitor alike.

Her figure is what I have heard described as plus-sized, although in my view the term falls rather short of capturing her peculiar statistics.

For want of a better description, she is modelled along the lines of a well-shaped gourd, starting with a striking head sitting on a long neck and a heard turner of a neck. You could call her a buxom without inviting controversy.

A well-shaped waist leads down to her greatest treasure, an eye-popping derriere that is of such a size that to get through a doorway without getting stuck, she must do so edgeways.

Karembo’s standing as the undisputed beauty queen and focus of our neighbourhood has now come under serious challenge since the opening of the rival watering hole across the road. The reason is that, to even the score and even steal a march on Undecided Leisure Resort, the owner of the new pub has engaged the services of Okosuna, a woman of a build that is even more spectacular than that of Karembo.

I suppose that she borrows her nickname from a wrestler of immense proportions who made a name for himself some years back although physical size is the only thing the two have in common.

Well-Made Gourd

While the wrestling bully only had brawn going for him, our new resident is a delight to behold for those men who prefer their women writ large.

Where Karembo has the contours of a well-made gourd, Okosuna is the image of a light bulb with a small head, medium torso and a tiny waist flaring out into a behind that sways when she moves.

With Karembo holding her ground on one side of a dirt street and Okosuna on the other, the stage has been set for a business rivalry akin to the political contest for supremacy on the national stage. The rumour doing the rounds in the village is that many men in the area have put up their shambas for sale with the hope of becoming liquid enough to catch the eye of either — or both — of the competing beauties.

The young men with little to sell are keeping their hopes up by investing in the much-advertised Lotto, figuring that winning the promised millions would place them ahead of the game.

Lately, the competition for the two rivals has spread beyond the village and drawn in some heavy hitters not only from the neighbouring large towns but even from as far afield as Nairobi.

Over weekends, it is now common to see large expensive cars lining the single street running through our shopping centre. Business is booming in our once sleepy village.

There is even talk of serious inflows of investment cash and a rumour that a son of the village who put up a block of flats in Nairobi with his retirement benefits is thinking of selling out and relocating to the village.

Meanwhile, Karembo and Okosuna are really enjoying the stir they have caused and the attention they are receiving.

Every so often, either of them or both are be seen strutting their stuff and swaying their endowments up and down their side of the street.