Single in the city

With Chiquitta-gal in the hood

Wedding Bells!

That is certainly what a huge group of Kenyan chicks hope to hear after attending the Marriage conference by Pastor Chris Ojigbani last weekend. While many people lambasted these women, it showed that despite what early morning talk radio would have us believe, Kenyan women would rather be wife than mistress or maybe they just want the big ole’ white wedding. And who would blame them? The influx of wedding shows and gleeful brides has more than tripled the pressure to get married and do so in style. People argue that the Kenyan ratio of men to women is 1:1 so why should there be so many single women? Are Kenyan chicks more in love with the love story than the prince? Or is the stress or living an urban life putting a strain on Kenya’s singles? I blame the following…

Sex aunties

Yes, I said it. Those women from Tanzania, Uganda or Rwanda who are busy telling women how to keep a husband are lying to you and making a whole lot of money while at it. For some reason, Kenyan women have been led to believe that they are dysfunctional, that they can’t handle themselves when in love or relationship or can’t hold on or find a husband. Please.

You could have the bums of Kim Kardashian, the face of Halle Berry, the hips of a Rwandese goddess and the skills of a Tanzanian ‘sex aunty’ and your hubby will still sleep with the maid, just ask Halle. It’s tie to accept that some men are just rotten apples; no amount of cajoling, nagging or bedroom acrobatics will change that small fact.

Glossy magazines

To begin with, from the cover to the last page are the perfect looking women the Alicia Keys, BeyoncÈs and Rihannas who, by the way, away from the camera are just regular women fighting cellulite and bad skin. No wonder Kenyan women are going out of their way to lighten their skin and swallow slimming pills in a bid to feel more beautiful.

Then we have the advice dished out which can be summed up as basically bend over backwards and morph yourself into superwoman so your life will be perfect. A whole lot of hogwash.

Bad dating choices

If you are the kind addicted to the bad boy player type don’t expect any ring any time soon. It’s amazing that some chicks will date the bad boy and still expect some substance from nights of binge drinking and partying. If that’s your cup of tea by all means go head, but if you are the type who would rather stay in than party till the wee hours, it’s time to look for a new type?

Radio talk shows

Every morning you wake up, switch on the radio and listen. You shower, dress, brush your teeth, drive or take a matt to work or school and listen. Every morning you will hear the dark comedy that is Kenyan relationships.

In fact, if you were to judge the state of Kenyan relationships from what is said on radio you will end up depressed.

According to early morning radio, Kenyan relationships are made up of mistresses, wife beaters, gold diggers, jobless boyfriends who beat their rent paying girlfriends, unfaithful wives, wife-stealing District Officers, bigamists, cheaters, liars, thieves, sex pests and psychos. It’s enough to put anyone off. And we still wonder why women are single?